Christmas Fun

I can honestly say that this was the best Christmas I've had in a while. Not once did I stop to think about what all Dr. Dunaway told me. I was just able to enjoy time with my family and it was amazing. I think that pictures will show you how great of a day it was more than my words could. Here are some pictures of our Christmas fun...

My sis-in-law, Ruthie. Our Christmas Eve Painting

My grandmother and her Nativity that I painted for her!

My brother Bryan, and his baby Abby

My brothers and I

Bryan, Me, and My Daddy

Megan and I after cooking our first Christmas dinner

Megan got me some owl earrings and a necklace! I love them!

My amazing husband and I ... I love this man

I have no idea what we were doing, but I love this picture

The whole family - and the guys are acting silly, imagine that!!

Mom and her kids

Megan and Willie - such a cute couple

Megan and I trying to be tough like Bryan in his red coat!

Haha ... Bryan and Megan

Matthew and his friend, Alanie

Megan won the game "Shut the Box" - she is now $16 richer

Too much to process...

Well, I went to my post op appointment on Dec. 22nd and found out a lot of information. Sorry it's taken me so long to post, but with Christmas and Ryle coming back in town, we have been super busy! This is actually the first time I have even been able to sit down and just get on my computer.

Let me start by saying a big thank you to Megan, William, and Bryan for taking me to Baton Rouge while Ryle was is Iowa working. I always hate going to the clinic alone because they tend to throw a lot of information out there at you and it's a lot to take in. Megan is the best - she even went to the back to talk to the doctor with me!

Well he went over all of the things that he did in surgery. And the biopsy confirmed that it was endometriosis. There are four stages of it, and I was a 2+ (almost a 3). I asked what he thinks my best chance of getting pregnant is, and his answer was both surprising and overwhelming! Basically you have a year from the day of your surgery to get pregnant, because it will end up coming back. Your best chances are in the first six months. After that, the chances go down dramatically. His suggestion to me would be to do a "watered down IVF", which is still an IUI it just involves a little more. But all of the hormones and medications they put you on will feed the endometriosis. So it's like a double edged sword - you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

He would start me on a birth control pill and with another drug. I'm almost positive he said Lupron (which I looked up and found that it can be used to treat endometriosis). Then we would move on to Follistim and Menopur injectables. I have never used any of these. We would then do an IUI. I know that I am leaving some detail out, but can't seem to remember what it is. Basically this cycle will cost any where from $1,500-$4,000. OUCH! I just wasn't expecting this. I guess in the back of my head, I was hoping he would just tell us to try naturally. But I should have known better - I have too many other issues going on (PCOS, high LH levels, etc.)

I will call the clinic when I start my next cycle and I will go in for some bloodwork. He wants to recheck my LH level to make sure there wasn't a lab error last time. He said he has never seen one this high that early in a cycle before. Mine was in the 40s, he said the highest he has seen was in the 20s. Your LH level tells your body it's time to ovulate. And if I'm ovulating on cycle day 4/5, then my eggs are not having time to mature.

They are also wanting to start the IUI cycle in January - my six month window will be up before you know it! But we have to find a way to come up with the money soon. This clinic is different than the other one - in Shreveport, you pay as you go. In Baton Rouge, you pay up front.

Needless to say, when we left the clinic, I was very overwhelmed. It was way too much information for my brain to process. I called Ryle to tell him all that I could remember, and he said he could tell that my mood changed. I was just "down" - didn't know what to think/feel. But I know that we will find a way to get the money. Some how my amazing husband always finds a way. I would be lost without him.

I hope that answered everyone's questions. I feel like I'm leaving out lots of information, but I just don't know what it is! Our Christmas was great and I will post a blog about it soon. Have a great week and thanks for reading :)

Follow Up

I got my post op appointment scheduled yesterday afternoon. My follow up appointment with Dr. Dunaway is scheduled for Dec. 22 at 10 am! I will get to talk to him and see what he suggests our next step should be! Yay! I'm so excited.

I had to take another day off of work because I couldn't wear my jeans yet. I put them on and was in tears. I plan on going to work tomorrow, but will probably be in sweat pants... oh well! So for now, I'm going to enjoy my last day off work cuddled up on the couch with my three puppies. Have a great day!

Answers ... I just love them!

Well let me start from the beginning. Sunday we left and went to spend the night in Natchez with Ryle's grandparents. It was nice to get to spend some time with them since we didn't go down for Thanksgiving and it doesn't look like we will make it for Christmas either because of his work. Natchez is about half way to Baton Rouge, so we left there at 7 in the morning.

We got to Baton Rouge at 8:50 - about 25 minutes before I was supposed to be there. Traffic wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. Finally they call me back about 9:15, but they said that Dr. Dunaway had to do two egg retrievals that morning in New Orleans and was running about 45 minutes late. We went ahead and did all of the paper work while we were waiting. Finally he got there around 10 and we were able to talk to him.

I had some questions about the lab results from our last visit and to say he scared me was an understatement. He said that the high LH level could mean three things - 1)lab error, 2)severe PCOS or 3)something wrong with my pituitary gland. He said something about how LH secreting tumors in the pituitary gland are very rare and he has never seen one, but they can happen. So on my next cycle, he wants to check that lab again. He will decide what to do from that point. Yikes - I did not like hearing the word tumor. Not at all. But I'm not even going to think about that right now.

He then sent us down to admissions to fill out even more paperwork. And then we went up to the second floor. I had to go back by myself to get changed and so they could get the IV started. I did not like being away from Ryle. I was a ball of nerves. Finally he was able to come back and sit with me while we were yet again waiting on Dr. Dunaway. He wasn't too late this time. My surgery was scheduled for noon and he got there around 12:15.

Nervous but ready ....

At that point, I don't really remember much. They gave me the "feel good" and relax medicine and then took me straight to the back. The surgery took about an hour and then Ryle was able to talk to the doctor while I was taken to recovery.

Dr. Dunaway flushed out my tubes during the surgery and they were all good and clear. He did find some endometriosis on my ovaries and uterus. While he was in there he burned all of the spots off with the laser. Apparently this is why none of the IUI's have worked for us. While I am glad that he found it, why in the world didn't the other doctors think about it? It's kind of frustrating. I am glad that we have some answers and I am glad that is was fixable. There is a chance that the endometriosis can come back, but according to Dr. Dunaway, he bought us enough time to get pregnant.

It took me forever to get out of recovery. I remember the nurse telling me that I had to get my breathing under control before she could let me go and see Ryle. Apparently I had very shallow breathing. They kept telling me to take deep breaths. I think I was in recovery for about an hour and a half. They finally let me leave recovery and the movement made me feel sick. So they wouldn't let us leave the hospital. We ended up leaving Baton Rouge around 6pm. I was so ready to get out of there.

I'm very sore but so glad that we have some answers. I will call to schedule my follow up appointment soon. I'm not sure what our next step will be because I am still dealing with the PCOS issue. If he suggests that we continue fertility treatments, I want to try another IUI now because hopefully it will work with the endometriosis being gone. I don't know, we will just have to see what he says. I'm so very thankful for my new doctor, for my amazing husband for taking care of me, and for all of our friends and family for the kind thoughts and prayers. I truly am blessed.

Here is some information on endometriosis that I found online:
http://women.webmd.com/endometriosis/endometriosis-topic-overview

Ryle and I are both praying that this is the answer we have been waiting for. We want nothing more than to be parents and hopefully in the next few months we can share some great news with all of you. Thanks again for the support and prayers. We love you all!!

Big Day

Well tomorrow's the big day of the surgery. I am so glad that it is finally here. I'm ready to get some answers! Ryle and I were talking about it yesterday - on one hand, I want him to find something wrong so that there will finally be a reason as to why I can't get pregnant. However, on the other hand, I don't want him to find something wrong and it not be fixable. SO I'm praying that if there is anything wrong, that he can fix it! My biggest fear at this point is that he will tell me that I can never have kids. I don't know how well I would handle that news. But I guess if that day comes, then we will deal with it then.

I talked to the hospital yesterday, we are just going to come on home after the surgery instead of staying overnight. I just want to come home and sleep in my bed. I took off work for three days just to be safe, but I know that my class is in good hands. It also means that when I go back, I only have 4 work days left before Christmas break! Man I have got to do some shopping soon - we haven't even started.

I will try to put an update on here when we get home Monday night, but it may be Tuesday before I get to it. Prayers are always welcome!!

100%

Well, good and kinda not good news. FINO called back last week with my lab results and information about my insurance coverage for the surgery.

Good news first, the insurance will cover 100% of my surgery! Yay!  The surgery is scheduled for December 12th at noon. We will have to be there at 9 am to be admitted, etc.

Now the kinda not good news. My labwork results are in and everything looked good except my LH level. It was too high for that early in my cycle (I was day 4/5). She said my level should only be that high around ovulation. So after the surgery we will have to recheck that test. They just want to make sure that it wasn't a lab error, etc.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving because I know that I did! We spent the whole day with my family and it was wonderful! Then we spent the weekend deer hunting. It was an amazing week! Here are some pictures of the week!

Ryle, my Dad, and Bryan frying the turkey




Sweet Abby on Thanksgiving Day



Ryle and I on Thanksgiving Day

Black Friday Crossfit WOD

Ryle and I on Black Friday

Happy Day

Well it was a great day! We had our appointment with FINO. And we just loved the whole experience! From the moment we walked in the door, everyone was friendly and welcoming! We loved the whole staff. I think that it was a great idea to switch doctors. Dr. Dunaway seems like a perfect fit. We were there a total of two hours. We gave our history, took our picture, talked, gave some blood, had an ultrasound, and set up a time for my surgery. Yikes - I know, surgery!

He thinks that I should have already had a surgery to "explore" my insides. According to him, I should already be pregnant. He thinks that there may be an underlying cause as to why nothing has worked so far. So as of now, we will go back to FINO on December 12th for an outpatient surgery. It's not a big deal. The whole surgery will last about an hour and is done laparoscopically (sp??). They did say they will let me spend the night simply because we are 4 hours away. So all together, I will miss about three days of work. Which at this point, if it will give me some answers, then I'm all for it. He will also "flush out" my tubes during this procedure.

After the surgery, we will discuss our options as far as IVF. We didn't really discuss that today, because he wants to make sure that there isn't another problem before we spend 10-15grand on IVF. Which makes total sense.

I just feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. This is the first time that I have left a fertility clinic with a smile on my face! I even left knowing that I'm going to have surgery and was still smiling! I can't stress enough how much we liked him. He was very down to Earth, friendly, personable, funny, and he seemed to care! He took the time to explain every single thing that we asked about. He went with me to get my blood drawn and was still talking/explaining things. We left knowing exactly what the plan was and felt confident about it.

They will call me later this week with the labwork results and to confirm the surgery. As of now they are "holding" the time/day for us. He just wants to make sure all of the labs look ok before we offically book it.

Well it's been a long day of traveling. 8 hours in the car and I'm exhausted. Hope this all makes sense! Thanks for the kind thoughts and prayers :)

FINO

Ok, well after my "crawl back in bed kinda day", my week started to get better. Ryle and I talked for a while about switching doctors and we both think that it may be a good idea. We now have an appointment with The Fertility Institute of New Orleans, which I will refer to as FINO. Instead of driving to New Orleans, we will drive to their Baton Rouge office. This is a 3 hour drive - only an hour or so longer than the old clinic. Not too bad honestly. We will be seeing Dr. Dunaway - on their website, it says that he specializes in PCOS. So I think this will be a good switch. Our appointment with FINO is on Nov. 14th at 1pm. I still have an appointment with the clinic in Shreveport for Dec. 2nd - just in case we don't like this new doctor!


Also, a dear friend of mine gave me an early Christmas present. It's an endurance bracelet. I love it and hope it helps me endure this TTC journey that Ryle and I are on. The charm on the end is a turtle which is just perfect - for two reasons: 1) the story says that turtles are the symbol of fertility and protection and 2) I gave this family a pet turtle that they named "Stony" (the kids think that this will help me remember "Stony" forever!) I just love it! This was exactly what I needed this week!

The headaches have gotten better as well. I'm still taking the 500mg of Metformin, but I'm also taking the 50mg of Zoloft. I haven't had a "terrible" headache since I started the Zoloft ... maybe that was the key!

Crawl Back In Bed Kinda Day

There are no words to describe my day today other than this: it's the kind of day that makes you want to crawl back in bed! I wanted to call the clinic to make sure that we didn't owe them anything because it seems like every time we go over there they always say that we owe them more money. I just wanted to be prepared this time and not caught off guard. Well good news first - we don't owe them anything! Yay!

Bad news: she tells me that the doctor I have an appointment with RETIRED and I no longer have an appointment for IVF consult! My response: WHAT? Why didn't ya'll call me?! Basically they were not going to call me until they found another appointment time. She said they didn't know when I would be able to get in because they are only down to one doctor now - it could be a long time. I mean seriously were they going to let me drive two hours over there without calling me to tell me that I no longer had an appointment?! I was not a happy camper and let her know it.

I immediately hang up with them and call Ryle. I'm crying and he's meeting with a farmer, but I guess he could tell that something was wrong so he talked to me for a minute. I told him that I had convinced myself to go to Natchez for Thanksgiving. I knew it would be hard, but maybe since we were supposed to see the clinic that week and get a game plan in place that I would be ok. But now that I can't see them, what am I supposed to do? I'm just so pissed off.

The clinic did call me back around 3 and said they can squeeze me in on December 2nd. Which means I will have to take off work now but oh well I guess.

I also went to see my doctor today to ask her about the headaches and to see if there was another clinic I could go to in town. Well no other clinic near by. I would have to go to Dallas, Houston, Jackson, or New Orleans. She said she would suggest New Orleans, but that makes it very difficult with my work schedule. We are going to look into it though. It wouldn't hurt I guess. And nothing I can do about the headaches except to stop taking the Metformin. She said it could just be my body adjusting to all the changes its making. I don't want to stop taking it, because I think it will help. Two weeks ago when they did all of my labs, my insulin level was 25 - it should have been under 17. So that's why I'm going to keep taking it and hope that the headaches will go away.

I am also starting my Zoloft today. She told me to cut it in half and only take 25mg instead of 50mg for a while until my body adjusts to the Metformin. Ryle doesn't want me to take it, but I need it. I'm starting to feel sad and blah all the time again. I so hope this helps because I don't know what else to do.

Now I'm going to go do some research on the fertility clinic in New Orleans ....

Decisions, Decisions ...

Well let me start this post off by saying that it was much better taking the Metformin at night. I woke up with a headache, which continued to get worse as the morning went on. About 10:00 this morning it finally went away. But I didn't get the nauseous feeling today. That is a good sign! I will continue to take it at night, but am really considering calling my doctor back to check on the headaches.

Now to the decisions, decisions part ... Thanksgiving is coming up. And if you've been reading my blog, then you know that I absolutely hate the holidays!! Well, I asked Ryle the other day what he wanted to do. He said he didn't want to talk about it. He said there was no point in fighting over it when we have about a month before the holiday. He also said he didn't want me to get depressed about it. Well, then I get home today and he says "My Dad wants us to go to Natchez for Thanksgiving, so what do you want to do?" What the heck? Last week he didn't want to talk about it, but now that someone else brings it up, he does!

Let me just say for the record that Easter was a nightmare! If you don't remember the blog post, you can read it here. In no way shape or form do I want to go repeat that experience. I do not think that it's a fun or an enjoyable time to sit there and cry the whole day. Not for me or the people around me. Why does he want me to endure that again? Why does my father-in-law? Do they not remember? I don't even know if I can manage to go - I'm not on any antidepressants or anything to help me handle all of the emotions.

I don't know what we are going to do. I really don't like the holidays. I wish we could just skip over them altogether .....

Half Marathon

WOW! It's been an amazing weekend. On Friday afternoon, we set off toward New Orleans for the half marathon. After a long day at school and not feeling so well (thanks to my Metformin), the last thing I wanted to do was ride in a car for 4 1/2 hours! But I made it! We stopped in Hammond to eat at Tommy's Pizza - it was the BEST pizza that I have ever had! Amazing actually! We finally arrived at Bryan's house around 9:30 and passed out.

On Saturday morning, we planned on getting up around 5, but I woke up about 4! It was freezing cold in New Orleans and the wind was blowing so hard. I was not excited to get out and run 13.1 miles. The race started at 7am.

I was able to run the first 3 miles without stopping - while training, I was only able to do the first mile. So this is accomplishment number one. My poor husband was having a hard time running at my pace because his stride is so much longer than mine. Finally about mile 8 he just ran ahead of me. So accomplishment number 2 - pushing myself to run. It was so much easier to run when I had someone to push me, but after he left, I just had to push myself. I'm not going to lie - there were many times when I wanted to quit. Two miles of the race was run through a park - and there was actually a moment where I just wanted to sit down on the bench and watch the ducks swim in the pond. But I didn't - I pushed myself to keep going.

Bryan finished at 2:24, Megan at 2:28, Ryle at 2:38, and I finished at 2:54. Our goal was to finish in 2:45. So it took me an extra nine minutes but I don't even care! I finished 13.1 miles - accomplishment number 3! I was so proud of myself! Of course when I crossed the finish line, I felt like I was going to die! Ryle asked the lady if he could put my medal on my neck - which was really sweet since he left me! Haha! Then I practically collapsed in his arms. I didn't have any sugar at all that day and was very weak. I have noticed that the Metformin affects me more when I have sugar in my system, so I did not use any Gu Packets or have any gum with sugar at all during the race. I also didn't get the Gatorade they passed out during the race - just water. So I was very weak at the end. While I was hugging/laying in Ryle's arms, I vaguely remember the medics coming and asking him if I was OK - He insisted that I was. I leaned back, told him I needed some sugar and he gave me gum. After that I felt a little better. Here are some pictures - please ignore how I look (my hair is a mess and I look like death!) ... I mean I did finish 13.1 miles!!

My crazy brother in his running outfit ... before the race (he was freezing)

Here I come...

My husband giving me my medal ...

Ryle supporting me ...

Yeah, I look like I'm dying: I'm telling him that I haven't had any sugar all morning...

Feeling better after I chewed on some gum... We did it - 13.1 miles

My love ...

 After the race we went to eat at an amazing diner! They have 14 inch pancakes. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true and it was amazing! Bryan and I shared one and we didn't even get half way finished with it! Then it was nap time. After that, we went out to a sports bar to watch some football. I wish I had someone to video us walking at that point. We did not look like we were in our 20s! We were all limping and looked about 80 something! I am so sore - from my lower back down. As I type, I'm icing my legs. I even think that my brother took an ice bath today! It's pretty ridiculous how sore I am. But I guess I asked for it!

14" pancake ... This was Ryle's double stack!

We then we to eat at a place called Jaques-imo's. It was real New Orleans Food! We had alligator cheesecake - I know it sounds nasty, but trust me - AMAZING! And it wasn't real cheesecake - just shaped like a piece of one. Then I had Blackened Red Fish, Red Beans and Rice, and mashed potatoes. One of the best meals I have ever had! This morning on the way out of town, we had beignets - also amazing! We told ourselves that if we finished the half marathon, that we could eat whatever we wanted. Now it's time to get back on our diet! I'm also going to do more Crossfit and less running. I may still try and run at least 2-3 miles a week, but nothing more!

Update on Metformin: Thanks to everyone who has stopped to talk to me about Metformin. I didn't know that so many people I knew were on it! Granted, they are not on it for PCOS, but it still helps to have someone to talk to about it. I started breaking the pill in half - half with breakfast, and half with lunch. This helps a lot, but I have still been getting TERRIBLE headaches during the day. Like borderline migraines ... which I am not a fan of! Like I said earlier in this post, I have noticed that if I eat something with a lot of sugar, that's when I get the nauseous feeling. So my new goal is to try and cut that out all together. But that is so hard for me, I LOVE DESSERT!! I did not take my pill yesterday because of the race - I didn't know how it would affect me since I was not taking it while I trained. I also didn't take it this morning. I will take it with dinner tonight. I have heard from a few people that taking it at night is better, so we shall see. I'll keep you updated!

Thanks for all the kind and encouraging words about the race and Metformin! I truly have the best friends and family a girl could ask for! I also just want to say that when someone tells me that my blog helps them, it makes me feel so much better. If me expressing my feelings and struggles throughout our whole infertility battle helps someone, then I'm glad. Thanks for reading, and thanks for telling me it helps you :)

Oh No ...

Well, day one of new meds and all I can say is "Oh No!" ... I have felt terrible all day long. I did like the doctor said and ate a good breakfast! All day long I just felt weird - like a slight buzz, light headed, etc. Then about 3:30 I start feeling nauseous. We had to go pick our race packet up today and I had a plastic bag in my hands for the whole trip. As soon as we got back home, I went straight to the bathroom - I just knew I was about to throw up. But nothing happened, I just laid on the bathroom floor for about 30 minutes. Finally Ryle came in there and got me.

I feel so much better right now - not great, but better. I called Kim, a pharmacy friend, and she said this is normal! So now I'm saying a really big "OH NO" ... she said my body will eventually get used to the change and this will go away. Man I sure hope that day comes fast. And this is only on one pill a day. In two weeks I'm supposed to move up to two pills a day. I'm really scared about taking two, because one made me feel like poo! I'll keep you updated - hoping tomorrow is a much better day for me! I don't know how long I can keep taking a pill that makes me feel so sick!

The Results Are In!!

Well, today marked 2 weeks since I went in for the PCOS labs. I got tired of waiting, so I called this morning around 10 and left a message for Tina to call me back. And by 3:30, I just figured that they wouldn't call me until tomorrow. But they did! The nurse called to tell me that the results were in and my insulin level was high, but I would have to wait for the doctor tomorrow because she had already left.

But to my surprise - Tina called about 10 minutes later! Yay! I love my doctor, she is the best! We had a nice long chat and she told me that she thinks I would be a good candidate for Metformin. It will basically help my body use the insulin. I told her that I always thought I was borderline diabetic anyway because I can't eat a lot of candy, have sugar in my coffee, or even have a snow cone without my blood sugar levels getting all out of whack. She said that there is a strong possibility that I could actually be borderline diabetic, but that this medicine will help me a lot. It should also help me lose a few pounds - which excites me a whole lot since I am not losing any from running! I am supposed to eat a breakfast full of protein and a few carbs or I will get really sick - clammy, lightheaded, nauseous, etc.

I am a lucky girl to have a sis in law in pharmacy school and a good friend that works at a pharmacy. As soon as I got off the phone with Tina, I sent them both a text asking what they knew about Metformin, etc. They were both very helpful! Love ya Kim and Ruthie!! I also came home and looked it up online. Here's what I found out: "Metformin is a diabetes medicine sometimes used for lowering insulin and blood sugar levels in women with PCOS. This helps regulate menstrual cycles, start ovulation, and lower the risk of miscarriage, in women with PCOS. Long-term use also lowers diabetes and heart disease risk related to high insulin levels.It does not cause the pancreas to make more insulin. It also lowers fat (lipid and triglyceride) levels in the blood."

So I will start the Metformin in the morning .... hope it works :) I will keep try to keep you updated. Our half marathon is Saturday - wish me luck, I'm going to need it!

New Idea ...

For a while now, people have been suggesting that we have a fundraiser or come up with some way to make money to help with IVF costs. Ok, so we came up with an idea. I think that we are going to try and sell jewelry holders. Last weekend, Ryle made me one:

I LOVE IT!!

 So today, Megan and I gave it a try! I think that this will be a great idea to help with the IVF costs, every little bit helps right?! Here are a few that we made today. They are our "demos"!

I'm excited for a few reasons: 1) We already have a couple of orders. 2) This helps take my mind off of everything - I've been having a rough time lately. This morning after cleaning house for 2 hours, I got in the shower and just cried for a good 10 minutes. I don't even know why, that's what gets me. I guess that I had been holding some things in for too long. But I'm not going to get into any of that right now ... don't really want to think about all of the things that have been bothering me.


So - if you know of anyone who would like a Jewelry Holder, just let me know! More pics to come soon!

No News

Still no news from the doctor. I'm almost to the point to where I want to call and bug them everyday until they give me my results. I don't know why - I'm just so ready to finally know if the results show that I do have PCOS or not. She says based on the ultrasounds, yes ... but this should let us know for sure. So come on already!!!!


It finally feels like Fall here! I'm so excited! I LOVE FALL!! We have been talking about having a garage sale lately and for some reason, this weather makes me want to go through things and put them in the garage sale pile! So I think that I'll start after dinner!!


11 days until our half marathon
34 days until our IVF consult

Finally!!

Well I got a call from my doctor today and YAY - the clinic finally sent her my records. She was calling to tell me that she had been looking through it. But they didn't send the one thing she needed - my lab work results. She said from looking at all of his notations and ultrasounds that I have had done, she does agree that I have PCOS. But she really wanted to see the lab results to back that up. I went in to her office today and they took some blood to run all 7 tests on the PCOS work up. Hopefully she will call me with the results in the next week or so. I told her how frustrated I am with the weight loss or lack there of, and she said that PCOS has a lot to do with it. So we shall see what the results say. She also said that I have had at least 200 ultrasounds in a year and a half- crazy amount. I've also had a lot of blood drawn in that time as well. This just gives me something to look forward to - the results I mean. I want to know if metformin *the diabetes drug* will help me or not. I'm hoping that it will help with my cycles and the weight loss.

I feel like I should have lost more that 4 pounds - I did the advocare 24 day challenge and we have been jogging for over a month now. 4 pounds, really?! I know that you have to gain muscle, but I want to see results!

That's really all the news I have right now, so when I find out - then you will find out!

On a side note - I have really gone "nutso". Today my husband and I did 4 miles and then came home and he had me do my first Crossfit workout ever! Nuts! I don't know if I will be able to move my arms at all tomorrow.

Not getting better....

Usually, running takes my mind off of everything and helps me. But that hasn't been the case lately. Some things are going on that I'm not going to talk about, but it's been hard. And honestly I'm not sure how to handle it. It seems that everyone keeps telling me that God has a plan and this is just part of it. Well it's a crappy plan. That's all I'm gonna say about it. I don't understand it at all... not one bit. I'm trying hard to stay positive and believe that things happen for a reason, but I'm not very good at that.

I think Ryle can tell that I've been "blah" lately and he is frustrated with me. If a song comes on the radio that reminds me of babies, I will start crying. I just don't know how to control that. For example, today we were going to my dad's house for lunch and Jason Aldean's song "Laughed Until We Cried" came on the radio. We were both just singing along and then out of no where, here come the tears. This is what did it:
"Just the other night the baby was cryin
So I got out of bed rocked her awhile and I held her tight
And I told her it would be all right
My mind went back to a few years ago
We tried so long, we almost gave up hope
And I remember you comin' in and tellin me the news
Oh man we were livin, goin crazy in the kitchen
We danced and screamed and held each other tight
We laughed until we cried "
I mean who would of thought that a song would make me cry like that? Ryle just looked at me like I was crazy. I know he just wants me to accept it for what it is, but ... again that's a hard thing for me to do.

There are all kinds of things adding to my "blah" mood, work is crazy - I love my smartboard, but it's a lot of work. I feel like I spend all of my time making lessons for it. I have other things on my mind and I don't really want to spend the weekends making lessons. I spent about 6 or 7 hours this weekend making reading lessons. And then we were going to his sister's boyfriends house, visiting with William who came in town, cleaning house, going to my dads, and running. It's like I don't have time to just sit and be. Sometimes I think it's nice to just sit and read a book and do absolutely nothing!

I can feel the blahness taking over .... and I'm trying so hard to fight it, but I can't always pretend to be happy. Why can't people understand that? Can you tell I'm in a bad mood?? I think I'm going to go read Twilight - maybe Edward and Bella can put me in a better mood ....

Not in the Mood

I haven't really been in the mood to post a blog lately. I've just been in a "blah" mood...

Last weekend was probably the best that I have felt in the past few weeks. My amazing husband took me to Shreveport to go shopping and to have dinner with my brother, William. And my "almost" sis in law, Megan, went with us - she was the best ever! She helped me pick out some wonderfully cute fall clothes!

We are still running like crazy - we actually did 8 miles on Monday. I was very proud of myself! Also, one of my other brothers, Bryan, is moving home today! Yay! I'm so excited and glad that he will be back - even if it is only for 6 months while he does some internship.

That's about it for now. Nothing exciting happening ... just ready for our half marathon and for our IVF consult .... come on November 21!

Yay Me!

Tonight I jogged 6 miles with Ryle and Megan. It took us about an hour and 27 minutes - not great, it's like a 14 minute mile. But still - I am so proud of myself. All day I was dreading this run, but I did it! So Yay me!

On a side note, I am stressing about the holidays already! I don't know what we are going to do. I'm not sure I can make the trip to visit all of the babies. I'm still hurt about how the whole Easter trip went down. My sis in law says to take a vacation so that we aren't even in town that week. But, it's the holidays so I don't really want to go on vacation. I asked Ryle what we were going to do, and all he said was "I don't know". We don't really talk about it. So I guess I just have to wait and see .... and you know, I just LOVE to wait!

Lately

Well I haven't been in a great mood lately. It seems that Ryle and I have been fighting all the time; although, I know that's not true - it just seems that way, but I know it's my fault - I've just been in one of those moods. Not being able to jog like I want to because of shin splints, stress at work, thinking about the holidays coming up, worrying about getting a 12-15 thousand dollar loan, IVF consult coming up, lots of pregnant people and/or babies in my life at the moment (or so it seems). There's just a lot going on. I feel like maybe I should be taking my Zoloft that she gave me - I did fill the prescription, just never took it like she wanted me to do.

So anyway, as you know, I've been going to Painting with a Twist. As it turns out, I'm not a great painter, but I like it. It keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of all of those things that put me in my "blah" mood. So Ryle went and bought me some things so that I can paint at home and not spend $45 every time I want to paint. Well, Megan is the best because she is "helping" me! The other night we painted a Halloween Fleur de Lis at her house. And today I painted some pumpkins all by myself. She is going to come over later and help me fix what I don't like on the pumpkins. Here are some pictures:

Just hoping that this will help me get out of the "blahness" that has taken over the past few weeks!

IVF Consult

Well today was a better day - not great, but better! First of all, I called the clinic to schedule our IVF consult. We are set for November 21 at 3:30. I'm so stinking excited. I'm not even sure why because it's no big deal. We are just going to find out about all of the procedures. I guess I'm excited because we are taking the next step.

Then this afternoon, I went to see my doctor. First of all, I told her that I wasn't taking the Zoloft. So she gave me something else, BuSpar (I think) - it's for anxiety. But I am supposed to take it only on my "bad" days. I'm not sure if I will or not yet. We shall see. So then we get to the Metformin thing - and guess what? The stinking fertility clinic did not send my records! They have had 2 months!! So they are going to call the clinic tomorrow and she will get back with me in the next few weeks. She wants to go over the whole file and then we will talk about it. She asked how everything was going with the baby situation. And we talked a little about it. We talked about the whole situation of people not understanding - I told her I don't know how to deal with that. And she had the best answer. She said to say "I thank God that you do NOT know how it feels, and I pray that you NEVER do" and to leave it at that. I love that answer because it is so true. No one knows what infertility feels like unless they have been through it. It's something that no one wants to go through. But I know that this is going to make me a stronger person!

On a side note - I have lost 4 pounds in two weeks! So yay! I'm just ready for my shins to get better so I can start jogging again!

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

It's just been one of those days and I'm having my first meltdown in a long time - about 2 months actually. My day just started off on the wrong foot. I didn't sleep well last night so I was in a crappy mood this morning. Then school was just crazy - it seemed like something went wrong every second. Then I come home and we get ready to run, but my shins were hurting so bad that I could barely walk a mile. I did make myself walk two miles. That's not what I was planning on happening though. We planned on jogging 3 miles. I just couldn't do it. Every time I took a step, a sharp pain shot up my legs. It was terrible. Ryle kept telling me to push myself, and to run through it. I just couldn't. So I let him and Megan do their own thing, and I walked the two miles. I think they ended up doing 5 miles. I was/am just so mad at myself. And then I have my meltdown. \

Tomorrow is my day to go back to the doctor (not the specialist - just the regular old girl doctor) .  I was so excited to go tell her that I have NOT needed to take my Zoloft for the past two months like she wanted me to do. But then all I can think about is that I started running because I wanted to lose weight. Everywhere I look on the Internet, people with PCOS say that they lost weight and just got pregnant on their own. Well that's why I wanted to lose weight. Now I feel like I can't even run; therefore, I can't lose weight or get pregnant. I know that's not how it works. In my mind I KNOW THAT! It's just been one of those days - I'm an emotional wreck. Several people that we know are having their babies today and it just hit me that I can't get pregnant. I know - Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. Well I'm going to go to bed now and pray that I wake up in a better mood tomorrow!!

Family Time ... Love it!

I love spending time with my family. Today we went to Painting with a Twist. We were only missing two of my brothers. Wish they would have been there, it was a blast! The painting was called Cracked Cross. Here are some pictures of the day:

Getting ready to start our "Cracked Cross"

Before we blended the colors ....

After we blended ... Ryle giving it a thumbs up!

He's crazy! The instructor kept calling Ryle's the AC/DC Cross ...

I love this man!

Family Painting with a Twist

Ruthie and I ... love them!