Only Us

Well ... I've had an emotionally exhausting day. Thank you to everyone at school for asking how I'm doing. I guess everyone could tell by how I looked at school today. I never wear my hair in a ponytail ... never, but today I did. And I went without any makeup on. All anyone had to do was look at me and I would cry.

Of course I got  my period on Friday night ... spent the whole night crying my eyes out. I'm back to my depressed stage I guess. I'm sad, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to be around people, I don't want to talk, I just want to lay here with my "baby" - Diesel. He knows just when I'm feeling down and never leaves my side.

Ryle was super supportive Friday night - he laid in bed and cried with me. I know that he was just as disappointed as I was. Like I said in earlier posts, this was the first time that he actually got excited about the whole thing. He just knew that it was going to work and that we were going to have a boy - it had to be a boy he said. So not only am I upset that I'm not pregnant, I feel like I let him down big time.

So thanks for all of the prayers and kind thoughts ... I don't know what we are going to do. Take an extra long break I guess. The next step is IVF and we just don't have 12 grand. Maybe we just aren't meant to be parents, I don't know ... I feel like I don't know anything right now.