Blues ...

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. It's been a crazy week. I don't even know what to say. I have the (in)fertility blues right now. For the past two weeks, I haven't really wanted to do much of anything. I want to sleep and that's about it. It's 7:45pm right now and I could go to bed. Thinking that I might need to go back to doctor to change my medicine. Who knows?

I know that I am driving my husband nuts ... I am constantly asking him when I can go back to the doctor. It's all I can think about. I dream about it at night and I think about it all day long. I can't help it. I don't know how to think about anything else.

This past weekend, we went to watch one of my younger brothers play baseball, and Ryle found his dream house. It was for sale .. it had the land, the shed, and a gorgeous house that he has been talking about forever. And no ... we aren't moving or selling our house. It's just a plan that he has for our future. Of course, I get all teary eyed and sad. He has all of these plans for our future after we have kids. But I can't see that far ahead. I can only wonder when I get to go to the doctor. Or when I will have $1500 per cycle for medicine and IUI. I don't know how to plan for after the kids ... I just want the kids. It's to the point to where I told Ryle - if it was up to me, I would not pay the house note just to get to go back to the specialist right now.