Bye Bye Fertility Clinic and Hello New Doctor

Wednesday, September 3rd was a bitter-sweet day. It was the day Ryle and I graduated from our fertility clinic! It was hard to say good-bye to our doctor and his amazing team of nurses. They made our dreams come true. They gave us what we have been trying to get for 6 years. I still can't believe I'm pregnant ... I'M PREGNANT, and with TWINS! There are no words to describe how happy we are. Thank goodness for amazing doctors and science! Here are a few pictures from that day!

Ryle and I with our amazing doctor!!

Baby A - measuring 9w 5d

Baby B - measuring 9w 4d

On Monday, September 15th, Ryle and I went to meet our new doctor here in town. I'm so glad that we absolutely loved him and his nurse! On our way to the appointment, Ryle and I were discussing c-sections and how I really want one since I'm having twins. I'm too scared of trying naturally because I don't want to put one twin in jeopardy while trying to push one out. Anyway, the first thing the doctor says to us is "I hope you aren't set on a natural delivery because with twins I always do c-sections!" ... Ahh! I picked the right doctor!! Then we went on to discuss about me being high risk. I will see the high risk doctor at the hospital at 18 weeks and then again one more time. If everything is ok with the babies at the second visit, the high risk doctor will release me and I will only see my normal doctor for the remainder of the pregnancy. I will also be allowed to see my new doctor every two weeks so that he can check on both babies.

We also got to see the babies and hear their heartbeats for the first time. It was pretty amazing hearing those sounds. He couldn't measure the twins because they were moving around so much! And of course the pictures aren't as clear as the fertility clinics high tech machines, but I'll take any pictures I can get!! How is it possible to love these little miracles so much already?! Please continue to pray for these sweet blessings! As of Saturday, I'll be 12 weeks! Time is flying by!! Man ... I love these lil babies!!

Baby A

Baby B .... and you can see Baby A a little bit on the left

Busy, Busy!

School officially started back two weeks ago, and I am slap worn out! August and September are always tough on teachers ... but this year I'm not sure how I will make it! I've been at school almost everyday from 7:15-5 and then I come home and crawl to the couch. After that I can barely move! I'm so tired and feel like I can't catch up on my sleep.

Ryle and I went back to the doctor this week for another ultrasound. Both babies were measuring 7 weeks 5 days, which is what I was. Baby A's heart rate was 171 and Baby B's heart rate was 164. The doctor said everything was looking great, so we go back in two weeks. At that point I'll be almost 10 weeks and I think I will be released from the fertility clinic then. It's really sad to think about because they are like our family. I talk to them more than I do some of my family, they know our names when we walk in, they understand how hard our journey has been, and it's going to be really sad to say good-bye! I know that it's also a good thing to be released to a regular OB, but then again, it will be like starting all over.

Anyway, the doctor is starting to take me off of some of my medicines! I finally get to say good-bye to the hormone patches and one of my shots - these will be replaced with Estrace (a twice daily pill). I will still continue the daily progesterone shot until I'm released. It's going to be a long two weeks before I can see my sweet little babies again! Come on September 4th!

7 weeks 5 days! They have grown so much is just a week! 

My two little Blueberries!!

The Best Days

I know many of you have been stalking my blog waiting for an answer to how our FET cycle went, and some of you already know. But just in case you don't already know, here's a recap of the past 3 weeks:

July 28, 2014 was our Beta day. Instead of driving 3 hours to the doctor, we got orders to have my blood drawn here in town. So after our daily shot, we rush to the hospital. As soon as we leave, I get a text that my brother's girlfriend was in labor. I'm not going to lie, I had a COMPLETE BREAKDOWN! I lost it. I couldn't talk or breathe, I was a total mess. I couldn't understand why on that day he got to have his baby, and I might find out that our cycle didn't work and that we lost our two babies. I literally spent the whole day in bed. Finally the nurse calls me around two o'clock to tell me that the hospital in town did not run my order as Stat, so I would have to wait until Tuesday to get my results. I had another COMPLETE BREAKDOWN! All of my trying to conceive sisters know, the two week wait is pure torture, and then having to wait an extra day ... well excuse the language, but that was pure HELL! After I pulled it together and put my big girl panties on, we finally went to the hospital to visit baby Kyle. He was absolutely precious. Here's a picture:

July 29, 2014 at 8:30, my nurse calls. My heart stops. Ryle has already left for work and said that he doens't want me to tell him anything on the phone. I can't breathe. I finally answer the phone, and she says "CONGRATULATIONS". My response was "MRS. JACKIE STOP IT! ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS? IS THIS FOR REAL?". She has to reassure me for several minutes that my beta test came back positive and I was indeed pregnant. My beta number was 439 - which was excellent for 10 days past transfer. Holy cow ... I'm pregnant. After I get done sobbing to my nurse, I immediately call Ryle and say "I need you to come home", and then I hang up the phone! Lol - thinking back now, that probably wasn't the best way to tell him to come home considering he could tell that I had been crying. Luckily he wasn't too far away, and made it home in about 5 minutes. I'm just sitting on the chair in the living room crying, smiling, and holding my belly. Ryle lost it. He cried. I cried. We cried together. It was seriously one of the best days of our lives and a day I will never forget. I NEVER thought I would hear the nurse say "congratulations" after so many phone calls that start with "I'm sorry sweetie".

Who knew these things actually said PREGNANT?!

July 30, 2014 we had to go back to my doctor to get another beta test done. After a long day of waiting by the phone, the results are back .... and I'm still pregnant! They like for the beta to double. Well, mine more than doubled ... it came back at 962. After this, we set up our appointment for our first ultrasound. At this point, my symptoms were: fatigue, excessive saliva, frequent urination, extremely thirsty, and slightly sore boobs (which could have been from the daily progesterone shot).

August 6, 2014 Ryle and I drove to the clinic to have our first ultrasound. I was so excited, and then we get there and the nurse tells me that today it's mainly to check to see if the embryos implanted in the correct location - meaning your uterus and not your tubes. I start panicking and when I finally make it to the ultrasound room, I am in tears. I spent a whole week thinking that I was pregnant - and enjoyed every single minute of it, and then to hear that it might not even be true, well that just crushed me. Our ultrasound tech is Jennifer - she comes in put the ultrasound wand in, and immediately I saw the black spot. Then she says "Oh we have TWINS"! And I continued to cry! They implanted two embryos, we wanted both to stick, and now we have two gestational sacs that implanted in the correct spot. We are really pregnant! All we saw this visit were the two gestational sacs with the yolk sacs inside - no babies yet.

TWINS ... 5 weeks 4 days

August 14, 2014 Ryle and I go back for our second ultrasound. At this ultrasound, they are hoping that the babies are starting to develop and maybe even a heartbeat. I'm nervous the whole 3 hour drive down there. Once we get into the room the ultrasound tech puts the wand in and says "TWO HEARTBEATS". Ahh! I cannot even tell you how I felt. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I think watching Ryle might have been the best part - he gets up out of the chair, walks up to the flat screen, looks back at me, and has the biggest grin I have ever seen on his face. I have waited so long to give my husband children ... and this just made the wait so worth it. Plus we saw both of our babies heartbeats. My symptoms this week: extreme fatigue, frequent urination, sore boobs, and I can't button my blue jeans!!! Trust me this is not from me over eating - I actually have no appetite (nothing sounds good to me and I eat less now than before I was pregnant!). I've had some light nausea, but it's mainly when my stomach is empty - no morning sickness yet.

I'm 6 weeks 5 days. Two babies measuring 6 weeks 6 days and two heartbeats!

I have two living things growing inside of me. I never thought we would get here. During fertility treatments, you get so focused on the treatment and the whole process, that you don't really think about what will happen IF it works. So now that we are pregnant with twins, I am just so .... happy for lack of a better word. There are no words to describe this feeling. We are so blessed to have such a great support system. I am so blessed to have Ryle as my husband - he is going to make a great father. We love these little babies so much already! Tomorrow I will be seven weeks. It's still very early, so all of our prayer warriors, please continue to pray for us and our babies.

My twin monkeys ... a sweet gift from a sweet coworker!! I also got cupcakes and the sweetest card from some other coworkers today! I love my school family!

Here are the weekly chalkboard pictures that we have right now:

Week 4 Chalkboard Picture .... Poppyseed!

.

Week 5 Chalkboard Picture .... Orange Seed!

Week 6 Chalkboard Picture ... Sweet Peas! #TwoPeasInAPod

Here are a few of our announcement pictures:

BELIEVE!

#teambabystone babies are due in 2015

I am in love with this picture!!

7 days past transfer

Ahh! I'm secretly going crazy inside! Those wonderful ladies who have gone through this know what I'm talking about. The urge to go pee on a stick is just about to drive me bonkers! I'm trying to hold out. It's just so hard. I don't feel pregnant ... and yes, I know it's too early. But here's the thing ... I never understood the term "PUPO ... pregnat until proven otherwise". That is until they put those live embryos inside of you. I have two babies inside of me. They may not have attached or implanted, but my babies are inside of me ... and they were alive and still growing. It just about kills you not to know if they are doing okay. It may just be something in the "infertile" world ... it's as close to being pregnant as most of us trying to conceive sisters have ever been.

I still have the picture of our last two embryos on our mantel in the living room. Some people may not understand why I want to keep that picture up there, but to me they were my babies. Part of him, part of me, put together and then put inside of me. That's the closest we have ever come to being pregnant ... we were PUPO. Unfortunately, it ended up not working and our babies didn't make it. I don't know, maybe people think they were just embryos, but to me life begins at the time of conception ... the minute they are fertilized. So they were our two babies that we lost ... to me anyway. So now I have two picture frames on the mantel ... two sets of beautiful embryos. And again, I'm happily PUPO.

Lots of people have been asking me how I'm feeling, I feel good. No cramping like I was last time. But last time I also had an egg retrieval done and my ovaries were very enlarged which could have caused some of that. At seven days past frozen embryo transfer, I don't have any real symptoms. My chest was sore ( from the progesterone and estradiol shots - they are pumping hormones into me like crazy!), but even that is going away. I'm thirsty all day. I'm tired and take a nap everyday- but I'm always tired so that's nothing new for me, plus it's summer break and teachers love summer naps. And the past two days, after waking up from my nap, when I stand up I get a really sharp pain in my lower abdomen on the right side. It's lasts for about 5 seconds, makes me stop and bend over, and then it's gone. I have no idea what that is about. That's all I'm feeling. Nothing that screams "Ahh you're pregnant".

I'm praying this works and that those babies are making themselves right at home. I'm trying to stay off of Google ... but again, it's hard not to look up your symptoms, or compare your embryos to those online (which I have to admit, I have done ... more than a few times lol), or even to look and see how other women were feeling on the same day as you. I'm just ready for my beta test ... but I'm also terrified of having them draw my blood. I so desperately want good results ... my heart can't take much more disappointment. So please pray extra hard these next few days!!!

Stick beautiful babies ... STICK!!

Frozen Embryo Transfer Day and Update

Well we had two beautiful embryos thawed and transferred on July 18th. They were the most beautiful little things I have ever seen. I'm not sure anyone EVER wanted anything as much as I want them... both of them! The embabies were put back in and the procedure went smoothly.

We were very surprised when the nurse told us that my lining was a 15. I have never had one that thick. A week before the transfer, I was only at an 8 and it was very uneven due to the endometrial scratch that they did. Doctor D. seemed very surprised that my lining was that thick, but he didn't say it was a bad thing. He just said he would have to document that since I was one of his first patients to try the scratch on.

Today I'm three days past transfer and don't feel any different - other than being really thirsty. Yesterday I had a few twinge like pains on the left side, but they were there for a few seconds and went away. I'm trying not to symptom spot and I'm really trying not to look anything up on Google! It's going to be a long two weeks!

My hips are SO sore from the shots! I get one shot a day, except for Wednesday and Saturdays - on those days, I get two shots. It hurts to sit, lay down, walk, etc. But I know its for those precious babies and I would do anything for them.

Stick babies stick! Mommy and Daddy love you so much already!

Tomorrow marks 6 years that Ryle and I have been married. I can't believe it has been that long. It seems like just yesterday we met. I couldn't have asked for a better friend, husband, and partner for this journey. He is always there for me and I know that he always will be. He is my whole world! Happy Anniversary Ryle! I can't wait to see what the coming years have in store for us ... hopefully next year we will be celebrating our anniversary with a baby Stone ... or two!!

I couldn't have asked for a better partner!

I'm also hosting a Jamberry Nail Party - if you would like to check it out, ordering will be open through Friday, July 25th. Click on this website: http://glamyournails.jamberrynails.net/ ... shop, and when you checkout - make sure that Tiffany is your consultant and that you sign in under Kristen's Party. If you buy 3 sheets, you get one free - discount applied in your shopping cart!!

Please continue to pray that our embabies stick around .....

Endometrial Scratch

Yesterday Ryle and I had an appointment at 10 am for my endometrial scratch. This is something that my doctor is trying out on his patients that have had unexplained IVF failure. We didn't discuss this procedure with him before hand - I only learned that I would have it done after speaking with the nurse last week, so yesterday while I'm laying on the table half dressed, he tells us that I'm the second person he's done this procedure on. WHAT?! But he quickly follows with "the other lady is now pregnant so we are very hopeful that this will work!" Which made me feel better - my doctor is always so confident, I wish I was like that. This is a procedure where the lining at the top of your uterus is "scratched" using a thing catheter like tube that has been passed through the cervix. This "scratching" is supposed to make your lining repair itself. The new lining that grows after the procedure is supposed to be more receptive to implantation and help increase your chance of becoming pregnant. Before the procedure, they give you ibuprofen and explain that you will feel some mild cramping while the catheter is passed through the cervix - kind of like the saline ultrasound I had done back in April. So I'm expecting it to be pretty painless, because my saline ultrasound was nothing! I had a cramp for a minute or two and it was gone.

Anyway, I'm going to save you all of the details of the procedure, but basically, it felt like he was scratching my uterus with knives. I almost came off of that table! At one point, I grabbed at Ryle and literally tried scooting up the table! It was the most painful procedure I've had done in six years - and that's saying a lot since I've had two surgeries and been poked and prodded on more times than I can count. Ryle knew I was in pain, but it's hard to explain that kind of pain to a man. So on our way home, I told Ryle that it felt like an alien was inside of me trying to claw its way out ... he thought I was nuts. But how else do you describe a pain like that to a man that doesn't even have the parts that were hurting! Haha! Bottom line - it was the most painful thing I have done yet to become a mother, but I know in the end it will be so worth it.

Yesterday was such an emotional day, I started crying in the waiting room. I teared up in the ultrasound room while waiting on the doctor to come for the procedure. And I could have cried at any other moment at the drop of a hat. I just keep thinking "Will it ever be my turn?" and "Why do I have to suffer so much to have what others have so easily gotten?" I just don't understand it ... not any of it. But I'm trying my best to keep the faith and to keep BELIEVING that God has a plan for us to become parents ...

Don't forget to check out the new tab at the top called #100happydays. It's a new challenge that I'm doing :)

Baby Shower

First ... on a happy note, thank you so much for supporting our journey to become parents. As of now, we only have about 3 more shirts to sell before we meet our new goal. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Not only will our medicine be paid for, but we will also be able to pay for some office visits. You have no idea how much this helps us out! Although infertility is officially labeled as a disease, insurance doesn't pay for one single thing! This is a journey where you feel so alone because no one can truly understand your pain and suffering unless they have been through it, but we feel so loved and supported right now. The fundraiser will not only help pay for this cycle of treatment, but it also made us feel not so alone. So thank you, from the bottom of our hearts for supporting us and for helping to raise infertility awareness. Remember 1 in 8 couples are diagnosed as infertile - it could be affecting someone else you know as well...

Please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone ...


It's been one of those weeks where it seems like when you turn around someone else is pregnant. I've been so emotional lately and I just need to get it out, which is why I created the blog in the first place. So let me start here by saying, there are not many people who are going to understand what I'm about to say. The only people who are truly going to understand are the women who have had infertility problems. This post isn't meant to offend anyone or hurt your feelings, it's simply how I feel. If you think that I'm being selfish then I'm really sorry.

Let me start by saying that after six years of trying to have a baby, you would think that I'm used to the pregnancy announcements and baby showers -- but I'm not. They still hurt -- a lot. This week Ryle found out that two couples we know are pregnant and he was the one to tell me. He gets upset because I get upset. He feels like he's the one making me cry, but I keep telling him - it's better if he tells me than if I find out in front of the people and just break down right there. Both of the women had a hard time conceiving, and I am so happy and beyond thrilled for them that they finally get their miracle baby. But in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "will it ever be my turn"?

Six years. Six long years I've tried to get pregnant. I can't even tell you how many sticks I've peed on, how many blood tests I've had, how many needles have been stuck in my body, etc. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I want it to be my turn. Yes, I know, God has a plan and his plans are bigger than mine. But I just don't want to believe that it's his plan for me to suffer like this forever. How much longer do I have to do this? I know this is hard for most people to understand, but my trying to conceive sisters will understand. Why can't it be me that gets pregnant so easily? When you are growing up as a little girl, you dream about getting married, buying a house, and starting a family. No one tells you that it might not happen for you. They don't tell you that you may not be able to have kids one day ... they don't tell you that all of your dreams might not come true. Do I have the perfect house, perfect husband, and the perfect "fur babies" -- the answer is yes, I do. And maybe it's selfish of me to want more, but I do. I just want to be a mom ...

Today I attended my first baby shower in six years ... yes, six years! I've been avoiding or finding excuses to get out of baby showers for six long years. I wouldn't have gone today, except it was my brother's baby shower. I'm going to have a nephew in about a month. Crazy, it feel likes just yesterday my mom was telling me that he was going to be a dad. I'm almost thirty, but my twenty year old brother will have a baby before me. Life never turns out the way that you thought it would ...


Please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone

Lupron Side Effects

Today will be my fifth shot of Lupron and I'm already having terrible headaches and hot flashes/night sweats. I don't remember having so many headaches last round, but they are hitting me full force this time. So far I haven't had the crazy vivid dreams like I did last cycle, but I'm sure they will come around. Still waiting on AF to show up, once she does then I will start the other medication. That's the only update I have for now.

The t-shirt fundraiser is going great as well. The company upped our goal to 150 shirts. We need to sell about 28 more shirts to meet our new goal! You still have 4 more days to get your shirt! Please help us meet our new goal!!! Visit www.booster.com/teambabystone to help support our cause and also help raise infertility awareness!

Round 2

This morning we went for my baseline ultrasound and labs. Everything was all clear - no cysts, so tonight we start Lupron injections. As soon as my period shows, then we will move on to the other injections. Nurse Jackie said she plans on starting those on July 1st.

My date this morning: ultrasound and labs!

Thank you to everyone who purchased a #teambabystone shirt! We've met and surpassed our goal of 100 shirts! Thank you so much!! There's still 9 days left to get yours if you haven't already! 

We feel SO loved ...

Wow. I'm truly overwhelmed at the response to the shirt sale. I was hoping we would sell at least 50 and here we are at 82 shirts after only five days of sales. Thank you so much for all of the support. We truly feel so loved right now from all of the purchases, donations, and sweet comments left on our page! Not to mention how many people have been sharing the page for us! This journey makes you feel so alone at times, so its great to see all of the support that we have. We love you all!

If you haven't had time to get your #teambabystone shirt yet, don't worry! You have 12 more days! We still need to sell 18 more shirts to meet our 100 shirt goal! Please help us reach this goal! After July 1st, you will no longer be able to get your shirt. Remember, this is a pre-order sale only. The shirts are available in Heather Indigo in adult sizes S-4XL only. The  maroon shirts are available in youth and adult sizes. Visit www.booster.com/teambabystone to support our cause and to help raise infertility awareness!

Again, thank you so much for helping us get our miracle baby. There are truly no words to express how much this means to us. 

T-shirt sales ... Please help!

It's time for our first fundraiser. The cost of all of our medication is finally catching up with us after six years of trying to conceive.

If you have a moment, please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone and take a minute to read our story. We are selling shirts to help offset the cost of the medication. The shirts are pre-order unisex. The front has the infertility symbol along with our team name. The back says "all things are possible if you believe -Mark 9:23". The deadline to purchase one is July 1st. After that date, the shirts will be printed and shipped. They are 20$ with a 5$ shipping charge as the shirts will be delivered straight to you. I'm hoping they will be in by July 18th so I can wear my Team Baby Stone shirt to my transfer. :) I BELIEVE that this will be our time. I spent a lot I time crying over our two babies that didn't make it this past cycle. But I have faith that we will become parents soon. 

Here's a sneak peak of the front:

Thank you in advance if you decide to help us out with the purchase of a shirt! We love you all! Let's go #teambabystone!!!!

www.booster.com/teambabystone 

Frozen Embryo Transfer Consult

Ryle and I just left our consult for our FET.  Doctor D couldn't tell us why we didn't get pregnant with the fresh cycle, but he said he's giving me the same success rate as the fresh - 60% chance of it working. He didn't think my endometrosis has anything to do with why it didn't work. He said it could have been an implantation issue or a lining issue. The embryos they transferred were hatched and they used embryo glue, but for some reason it didn't take. 

The embryos we have are a good quality or at least two of them are.  I got my calendar with all of the meds and the expected transfer date is July 18. That could change, but for now it's set to that date. Our medicine should be ordered tomorrow and we will return to the clinic on June 23 for an ultrasound and labs. June 23 is also the date that I should start my meds if all the labs and ultrasound come back clear.

That's really all we know for now. Again thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, calls, and texts. We love you all ...

Beta Day

It's been an emotional 9 days. Today Ryle and I drove to Baton Rouge so that I could give blood for my beta test (pregnancy test). We really didn't speak the whole way there or the whole way back - my mind and emotions were all over the place. Nurse Jackie just called about 30 minutes ago - thankfully we had made it home by then.

My test was negative. I'm not pregnant. Our first round of IVF didn't work. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm hurt. 

Please don't be mad that we didn't tell you it was today if you didn't know. It was just something we wanted between us. So instead of texting everyone the update, I'm putting it on here. I'm turning my phone on silent. Please don't be offended if I don't answer your calls or text right away. I'm a mess and just can't talk about it right now. Thank you for all of the calls, text, and prayers over the last month or so. It meant a lot to Ryle and I both. 

We will go back to the clinic on June 11th to talk to the doctor about the cycle and what our next steps will be with the three frozen embryos. I know that I should be grateful that we still have three frozen, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The doctor put two of our babies in me and it didn't work ... that freaking hurts. I'm terrified that we won't have enough time before school starts to try again.... I'm so tired of waiting. That's all infertility is .... a big waiting game.

I'll post an update after our next appointment.

Transfer Day and Update

Emotional. Exciting. Nerve wracking. Those are a few words I would use to describe transfer day! Maybe I thought it was all of those things because this was our first one, I don't know but I was feeling all of them. Well at least until I got my Valium - then I was all relaxed and loopy! Haha! 

I couldn't sleep the night before for fear that my embies didn't grow or mature enough for the transfer. I can't stand that we only get an update every other day on them. To me they are already my children and I want to know how they are doing each day, but I do understand that they have a lot of patients and that the status of the embryos changes a lot each day. Anyway, we arrived at the clinic about 20 minutes early because I couldn't sit in the hotel room for one more minute! 

For those of you that don't know, this is the process. As soon as you get there you have to empty your bladder and then immediately start filling it again. I drank two whole water bottles and it still wasn't as full as they would have liked (the doctor gve me a B on how full my bladder was - I'm a teacher and he gave me a B! Haha - I wanted an A but oh well). Anyway after you empty your bladder, you change into the gown and your hubby puts the scrubs on over his clothes including the cute paper booties. You sit there forever it feels like just drinking water. The room was very calm and relaxing though- dim lights, water fountain, etc. So basically we sat and I drank water for about an hour. Finally the nurse comes in and goes over discharge instructions. The doctor finally came in handed me a picture of our embies and then told us that he would be transferring a 96 cell grade 4 and a 96 cell grade 3. Grade 4 is the best at our clinic. I was so relieved as those are both really good quality embryos. After that, the nurse came back and gave me my Valium! Praise The Lord! I could finally calm down. After about 30 more minutes, they came and took us back to the exam room. The doctor insterts a catheter and then the embryologist comes in with another catheter - this one goes inside the other one. We got to watch it on the ultrasound screen, basically, all we saw was a white little flash and that was our babies being released from the catheter. Afterwards, you could see the white area on the screen, but that was it. I got to empty my bladder, we had to stay for 20 minutes and then they let me leave. I took a nap the whole 4 hour trip home and pretty much slept the rest of the day once we got home. I am a true believer that anyone going through IVF should have a Valium for every single procedure they do! That was the most relaxed I have been in 3 months!! 

Once we got home, I was put on bed rest for 3 days. My back was so stiff from laying down so long, but let me say that my husband stepped up and took great care of me! He didn't even want me to get up to go to the bathroom - but I won that battle! 

Today I'm taking it easy at home, but I am getting up and moving around! It feels nice to be able to get up and let my dogs out if I need to or walk to the fridge! 

This morning I got a call from the clinic that we have three embies frozen for future use! I started crying when she told me - blame it on the hormones I guess. But we have a 99 cell grade 4, 98 cell grade 3, and a 97 cell grade 2. The grade 4 and 3 are really good, the 2 is ok, but not ideal. I was so happy - again I was feeling the fear of not knowing how my other babies were doing. 

Ryle and I are praying that the embies in my belly have implanted safely and are making themselves at home. He's been talking to my belly saying "stick babies stick" and kissing and rubbing my belly. It has got to be the sweetest thing I have ever seen ... So much for not getting my hopes up again. They are so high it's not even funny. I'm just as bad as he is. I find myself constantly rubbing my belly, I even coughed this morning and found myself apologizing to my stomach! 

We need all I the prayers we can get please. I don't know how well I will handle it if my test comes back negative. I'm trying to hold out and not take an at home test, but that is such a hard thing to do - all my IVF sisters know!! Here are a few pictures of the past few days. Sorry for the terrible phone quality of some of them:

This is the photo shoot with our embies that were transferred! If it works, this is our babies first picture! I may be biased, but I think they are the most beautiful embies ever! 

I don't know if this is pre or post Valium, but I'm guessing post! I was so excited to hear that we had good quality embies! 

Bed rest isn't that great, but it's awesome when you have someone to take care of you! Ryle saw the snocone truck and went to get me one! 

And my Diesel was just soaking up having his momma be lazy with him. I think he enjoyed the bed rest! 

Egg Retrieval and Update on our Embies

Hey guys! I'm terrible at updating this blog. I promise I will get better with it.

We had our egg retrieval on May 19th - I had to miss awards day at school but it was for a good reason at least! That was such an emotional day. We arrived at 6:30 for the 7:30 procedure. Well it turns out that my doctor got stuck in traffic and didn't arrive until 8:30. They ended up calling in another doctor from the clinic but by the grace of God, Doctor Dunaway showed up before she did! I was so nervous about someone who didn't know anything about my case performing the retrieval. Our prayers were answered when he walked through the door. He was able to get 16 and out of those 15 were mature enough to be fertilized. I woke up cramping, sore, and still emotional. My poor husband! I woke up asking for Diesel (my fur baby), and crying saying "this is not how we were supposed to make a baby". He just kept saying "I know". But overall, the cramping went away over the next day and my bloating has gone down a lot!! I'm drinking my Gatorade like crazy - 3 quarts a day! But I did wear my PJ pants to work for two days (I had a good excuse!)

We got an update on Tuesday that out of the 15 mature, 13 fertilized! We were both so relieved!! I didn't get an update at all on Wednesday. But today, I got a call that out of the 13, one didn't make it. Two of them are behind but may catch up. Then the rest of them are: three 8 cell grade 4s, two 8 cell grade 3s, three 8 cell grade 2s, and two 7 cell grade 3s. So we have 10 that are still making it - maybe 12 if the other two catch up. We are both happy with those numbers too. Basically the nurse said grade 4 and grade 3 is where they want them, I'm not sure about how many cells they want - I would think the more the better. Of course these numbers will change again. I won't get another update until we get to the office Saturday. The transfer is set for 8am. I'm hoping that by Saturday, we at least have 6-7 good quality embryos left. We would transfer two and freeze the rest.

We are both excited, nervous, and praying that this is our answer. I will be on bed rest Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, so I will update after the transfer then! I will definitely have plenty of time on my hands - at least I love to read!! Thank you to everyone who checks up on us! We love you all!

Dear Lord, please let this be our answer ....

Follicle Scan #2

Wow! My brain is on information overload today! We expected our visit to be about ten minutes as normal but instead we're there for about 2 hours. 

Scan looked good! On my right ovary we have : two 14s, three 13s, four 12s, one 11, one 10, two 9s, one 8, and two 7s. On my left ovary we have: one 16, two 15s, one 14, one 13, two 12s, three 11s, three 10s, one 9, two 8s, and one 7. I can definitely tell too because I feel so bloated and my stomach is tender. Although the tenderness could be from all of the bruises! I feel like we are running out of room on my stomach for needles! So far we have done 33 shots and still counting! 

So here's the game plan:

- contine stims tonight and tomorrow night

- go in Saturday for monitoring (ultrasound and lab)

    -- this could lead to another day of stims and more monitoring Sunday OR trigger shot Saturday.

- if we trigger shot Saturday, retrieval is Monday. Or if we have monitoring on Sunday, then we could trigger Sunday night, and retrieval is Tuesday. It's all kind of up in the air now, but retrieval is set for the early part of next week! I can't believe it! (And for my friends who don't know, the trigger shot makes your body ovulate basically)

At our appointment, we also went over all of the pre-op and post-op instructions. We thought all of that would happen this weekend. So needless to say when we walked out of there we both looked at each other and did the whole put your hand to your head and make the exploding symbol thing! Haha! It took forever to get the process started but now it's flying by! On one hand I'm so ready for this to be over, but on the other hand, I'm so scared! I really am praying this is our answer! Thanks to everyone who checks up on us daily! Love you all! And if your aren't following our journey on Instagram, our name is ttcbabystone ... I post more updates on there than I do on here! Have a great weekend and we will update after Saturdays appointment!

Follicle Scan #1

Today we had our first labs and scan to check on follicle growth for our IVF. I didn't catch all of the numbers, but we have two 11s, a couple 9s, about ten 8s, and about four 7s... Plus all of the smaller ones. My estrogen level looks fine, so they are keeping me on the same dosage of medication - 100u Follistim, 75u of Menopur, and 5u of Lupron. We actually had to order two more vials of Menopur. On Thursday morning we will go back for scan number two! 

This process is just moving right along! My tummy is bruised and sore though ... Ready for the next step! Thanks to everyone who has called or text to check on us  - especially those of you who did it on Mother's Day. Thanks for understanding and knowing how hard that day was for me ... We love you all!!

Update

Sorry it's been a while since my last post ... We have been crazy busy! But if you have been following my Instagram account, then you're up to date! 

We started our Lupron injections on April 29th - my thighs are sore and bruised but I don't mind one bit!Aunt Flo finally arrived on May 6th. Tomorrow, May 8th, we start our stims! I can't believe it! 100u of Follistim and 75u of Menopur. We will continue this for 4 days and go in on Monday, May 12th for our first follicle check! That's really all I have for now! I will post after our appointment Monday with some follicle sizes!!!!

Saline Ultrasound

Today we went for the saline ultrasound to check my uterus for polyps and fibroids. It was a little painful but ... all clear :) ... Yay! We also found out that my LH level on day 3 of this cycle was only 16. Last time is was 43. Technically it's still high, but it's come down a lot! It should be low single digits.

So here are the next steps:

-- Order Medicine
-- 4/29/14 - ultrasound and labs to check for cysts formed from taking the birth control pills
-- 5/1/14 - Take last birth control pill
-- Call the clinic as soon as my period shows
-- Start Lupron injections in my thighs - this will suppress my LH level which makes your body ovulate.
-- Start other injections

That's all I know for now. But we should be in full IVF mode by the first week of May! Woo hoo! I never thought this day would get here.

By the way ... this week is National Infertilty Awareness Week. Did you know that 1 in 8 couples are diagnosed with infertility? We are 1 in 8. You can learn all about it on www.resolve.org. I saw someone else mention this article on instagram and had to go find it for myself. It's also from www.resolve.org and it's called Top 10 Things I Learned About Infertility. They are all so true!

Top Ten Things I Learned About Infertility (from a retiring volunteer support group leader)

1. Infertility is linear...you don’t know how you’re going feel about any treatment or any part of it until you get there.  One minute you may say “no way” to IVF, and then you find yourself giving yourself shots and counting follicles!
2. Men (husbands/partners) do care, and they will be great fathers. But, in my experience, I’ve noticed that their highs are not as high nor are their lows as low on the path to parenthood. Most of them are able to picture life without children without tears coming to their eyes and can easily see how life with more money and no children can be a viable version of a happy ending. I don’t completely buy the conventional explanation of “it’s not happening to their body.” I think it’s more that many of them are Cubs fans and are used to painful disappointment for the team they love.
3. There’s no dipping your toe into the infertility world. You’re either underwater or by the side of the pool.
4. You cannot understand this until you go through it. Period.
5. Pick a few people to talk to this about, and then forgive them if they ask you how it’s going when you don’t want to talk about it. Letting people in and talking about this pain can really ease the burden, but once they’re in, they’re in -- no two ways about it.
6. Baby showers, baby pictures, hearing moms complain about their kids -- these are all things that can, and probably should, be removed from your life for the time being.  
7. Jealousy and intense dislike (I intensely dislike the word hate) are a natural part of the human rainbow of emotions. Feel them, forgive yourself, and move on.
8. It’s likely that not all relationships in your life will survive infertility. Friends who get pregnant while you can’t may be casualties. It happens.
9. Have talking points when you go to Christmas dinner....or just out for coffee. When people ask if you have kids or if you plan to, have something ready to say, so you don’t have to think on your feet.  Mine were: “It doesn’t look like it’s in the cards for us.” That seemed to make people feel a little bad for asking (which I have to admit I wanted) and let folks know we’d tried, which, for some reason, I also wanted.
10. Nothing stresses a woman out more than being told to relax. This is not your fault.  

I will update after next week's appointment. I hope you all had a great Easter.

IVF Here We Come ...

Today Ryle and I officially started our IVF Journey! Yay! I am so excited ... words can't even explain how happy today made me. I've waited almost 6 years to get to this point! 6 years! Ugh ...

Anyway, we went in for my day 3 baseline labs. Actually, Ryle and I both had blood drawn - they require a TON of testing from both partners. We will get a call after all of the labs come back - praying everything comes back fine! I also had my baseline ultrasound to check for cysts. All clear! After the ultrasound, we had to sign our life away on all of the consent forms ... seriously it felt like we were about to buy a house or something as many times as we signed our names.

This is basically the game plan from here:

April 11th - start my birth control pills
April 20th - start my antibiotics for the next ultrasound
April 21st - USI ultrasound (saline ultrasound) - if this ultrasound comes back all clear, THEN ....
April 29th - ultrasound to check for cysts from birth control pills
Wait for period to show after last birth control pill
Start Lupron injections after AF shows up
Start Stims a few days after that

So that's it in a nut shell. Yay! I'll update again after the ultrasound on April 21st ...

IVF Consult

Yesterday we drove 3.5 hours to meet with the specialist in Baton Rouge. I have been a nervous wreck all week long. Haven't even really enjoyed my Spring Break - my mind has completely been consumed with IVF. I'm going to try and get all of the information out that they crammed into my head, but I'm so sorry if it comes out all jumbled up. But man they shoved a ton in our heads in the measly hour that we sat in the office chairs.

When we got to the clinic, we had to sit in the waiting room for about 20 minutes while a couple with a baby went back to talk to Dr. Dunaway. They were there to basically say thank you for helping them get pregnant and to show him their own little miracle baby. Ryle thought it was strange, but I thought it was incredibly sweet - I can't wait til the day we get to have that kind of appointment. Hopefully that day will come ... Anyway, we finally get called back so the nurse can take my vitals and see if there have been any changes to my medical history for the past two years. When she opened my file, this was the first thing we saw. This clinic always takes a picture on your very first visit with them so that they can put a face to the names. I love that idea and I love the picture. We haven't changed much in the two years we've been gone, except Ryle now has hair. While we were waiting on the baby couple to leave, Ryle got all comfy on the table. How come I never look comfy and relaxed when I'm sitting on that? Lol! Well I just had to take a picture of him ... he might kill me for posting it on here, but oh well!

Our very first visit to our RE way back in 2011 ... seems like ages ago

I'm never that relaxed when I get in these chairs! Haha!

It's finally our time to go see the doctor, and let me just stop right here and say I LOVE MY DOCTOR and I LOVE THE WHOLE STAFF!! We always leave there feeling so much better than we did when we walked in. This is what he said in a nutshell: 

1) He does not recommend having the surgery for my Endometrosis at this time - mainly because I was only stage 2 last time and because I'm not having pain yet. 

2) I show signs of PCOS which I already knew. My last baseline lab work showed my LH level to be 43 on Cycle Day 3. He looked at the levels and said "Wow you are very polycysticy!!" I'm not sure that's a word, lol but that's what he said! Just to give you an idea, the normal range for LH should be anywhere from like 2-11. So mine is CRAZY high, right? Yeah - I'm full of problems apparently! Our nurse said she hasn't seen numbers that high  .... story of my life!

3) We are good candidates for IVF especially with our age. He then went over the whole IVF process and since I've already done injectable cycles before, we will only be adding a few steps. He said assuming my eggs are good and Ryle's sperm are good, we have a 50-60% chance of this working. Much better numbers than the IUI percentages. And that also gives us a 25-30% chance of producing multiples - which I am okay with. I wouldn't mind twins. This woman will not be picky and I will NOT be one of those women that complain about all of the pregnancy symptoms - I've had to work too hard to get there, so I will gladly put a smile on my face every SINGLE day, even if I have to hang my head in a toilet because of morning sickness.

4) The nurse then went over ALL of the paperwork that must be completed, I'm basically signing my life away with consent forms. I got a whole folder full that we have to read over and bring back on our next visit.

5) So here's the game plan - 

    a) get approved for the loan 

    b) Call the clinic if I have not started my period by March 27th - they will then call me in some Provera to induce a period.

    c) Call the clinic on Day 1 of my cycle to schedule my baseline ultrasound and labs. We will also have to provide a semen sample for a semen analysis on this day. Ryle and I will both have our pre-screening labs done this day.

    d) I will then start the birth control that precedes the IVF cycle and have to go back for another ultrasound that cannot be completed with my baseline.

    e) Once all tests are done, we may begin the IVF cycle on April 30th (this will be the first day of injections). The nurse didn't think that I will have all of my pre-screening labs done by the April 11th window. But I'm ok with April 30th - closer to the end of school so I won't feel so bad for missing days for all of these appointments that I will have to keep. Since I'm talking about my job, let me just stop right here and say, I love teaching. I love that I get to be around such amazing kids each day, but when I became a teacher, I did not think that I would become such good friends with the parents. I can honestly say, that I have met some wonderful women and made some great friends. They are always there for me and I just love getting texts from them with encouraging words. MAKES. MY. DAY! So, thank you to those parents - you know who you are :)

Well that basically sums up our visit with the doctor. I've been on the phone with the finance company today. We are going to wait another week before we apply for the loan. Once you apply, and are approved, you only have 60 days to sign the paperwork or your approval is void. So Ryle and I decided to wait. We will call them right before I start my period. We want to make sure we are approved before we go in for all of the pre-screening tests - those are not included in the IVF package that we are buying. We have to pay for the screenings out of pocket.

I really hope that all made sense ... if not, feel free to comment below and I'll see if I can clear something up. Hopefully in a few weeks, I will be on here posting that we are approved and have results for all of the baseline tests.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you are enjoying your day with your loved one. My loved one had to work today, but still sent me flowers at school even though we celebrated last weekend! Love them ... And him too :) ! 

Today is a hard day for me. Two years ago, to the day, Ryle and I attempted our last IUI (I believe we've done 5 maybe 6 IUIs). We felt that it was a good sign to do the procedure on Valentines. The doctor said everything was looking good and what happened? I got my hopes up. I just knew that this time it was going to work. I could feel it. Well about 11 days later, I got my period. I didn't even get to finish the famous two week wait that all infertile couples know so well. It's devastating to have to mourn what you were hoping and praying for every single month and I was SO tired of feeling that way.

After that, I said I was done. I was done trying, done getting my hopes up, just flat out done! And for two years Ryle and I just enjoyed our time together. Did I still have bad days and still think about having a baby, hell yes! But it didn't consume me.

Then recently I found out I was going to be an aunt and a friend of mine had a baby, and I lost it. I lost the happiness that I had for the past two years. The hurt and need came crashing back at full force. Thank The Lord for my husband, because I could not have made it through these past few months without him. He's the only one who truly knows how I feel. But I am grateful that I have others in my life that I can turn and talk to - it always helps to talk to people who have gone through the same thing. I've come to realize that you can't understand unless you go through it yourself. So I know my family will never understand even bough I desperately want them to. This whole situation has torn my family apart. It will take a long time to get back to where we were ... If we ever do.

Ryle and I are scheduled to go back to the fertility clinic soon for an IVF consultation. We haven't told many people that we are going back, I've only told a select few - for several reasons, but that's another story. If they read this then they will find out. I have some things I need to ask the doctor about - having surgery for my endometriosis again, thyroid, are we even good candidates for this, etc. I don't know when or if we will actually get to the IVF process, but I have to do something. I can't take it anymore, so this is us doing something. We are going to talk to him and see what he has to say about our situation. But seriously, how do people pay for this? It's crazy expensive. These are the prices for the clinic - to be clear, it's not per egg. It's per cycle - so for one cycle the $10,600 is for one fresh egg cycle ... Not for one fresh egg. And you can add anywhere from $3,000 to $5,000 for medicine per cycle! (Sorry for the phone picture quality)

                                     

Anyway that's all that's been going on here. Enjoy your valentines day with your loved one ... I sure am missing mine right now! 

St. Gerard

A sweet friend and past coworker came to visit me a few weeks ago and gave me such a sweet gift. It's a St. Gerard bracelet - he's the patron saint of mothers. Here's a little explanation from a quick internet search - Wikipedia is my best friend!! Here's a picture of it too ... I love it! (Sorry for the phone picture quality!)

                                 

  

One miracle in particular explains why Majella became known as the special patron of mothers. A few months before his death, Gerard visited the Pirofalo family and accidentally dropped his handkerchief. One of the Pirofalo girls spotted the handkerchief moments after he’d left the house, and she ran after Gerard to return it. “Keep it,” he said to her. “You may need it some day".

Years later when the girl--now a married woman--was on the verge of losing her life in childbirth, she remembered the words of the saintly lay brother. She asked for the handkerchief to be brought to her. Almost immediately the pain disappeared and she gave birth to a healthy child. This was no small feat in an era when only one out of three pregnancies resulted in a live birth, and word of the miracle spread quickly. Because of the miracles God worked through Gerard's prayers with mothers, the mothers of Italy took Gerard to their hearts and made him their patron. At the process of his beatification one witness testified that he was known as "il santo dei felice parti"--the saint of happy childbirth.

This devotion has become very popular in North America, both in the United States and Canada. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerard_Majella)

Not much has been happening here! Works been pretty good - glad to have my two big observations over with for the year! And they were both great by the way :)! Still haven't spoken to my family and right now, I have no desire to. I'm enjoying time with my husband drama free!! 

I did start weight watchers two weeks ago and have already lost five pounds - yay! I also signed up for a 5K in March! So I better get to running! Enjoy the rest of your week!! 

Not alone

This is a short post, I just wanted to share this blog that a sweet friend sent to me letting me know that I'm not alone. Thank you for thinking of me. The blog truly hits home ...

You can check out the blog (From One Degree To Another) she sent me here:

http://natepyle.com 

The title of the post is "The Disgrace of Infertility"

Same old, Same old

Well vacation and the holidays are OVER! And I am so HAPPY that the holidays are over. I'm kind of glad to be back to work because it keeps me busy and my mind off of things, but let me tell you- I'm ready for my kiddos to go outside and release some energy! Haha! It's been too cold and rainy here lately. Our hot water pipes froze Monday night it was so cold. Glad it's slowly warming up. Louisiana folks aren't used to weather cold enough to make our pipes freeze!

Before I type the rest of this, I just want to say that I have the best husband ever. He truly is my rock and I couldn't have made it through the past few weeks without him. The infertility may be tearing my family apart, but it has made Ryle and I a stronger couple. 

Well my brother finally replied to my text where I apologized and explained my feelings to him. The text I sent was a truly heartfelt text (approved by several people), but he thought - in his words, that I was being a bitch (that was the short version). His reply pissed a few people off. But Ryle and I came to these terms- we don't need people in our lives who don't understand. So if you don't like the way we feel or the way we handle it, then I'm sorry. But we have every right to feel the way we do, and we have the right to handle it the way we do - anyway that will protect us. Because honestly, and I TRULY believe this, no one will understand until they experience it themselves. No one will understand the grief, depression, hurt, or anger until they live through the experience themselves. And I pray no one will, but unfortunately, too many people experience this.

Ryle and I didn't spend New Years with family (for obvious reason), instead we spent it with our new neighbors. At first I didn't want to go, but Ryle convinced me that it would be a good way to take my mind off of things. That didn't happen though, because we found out that several others in our neighborhood are experiencing infertility too. Although a lot of the time was spent discussing fertility issues, it's nice to know I have others I can go talk to if I need to. And it was nice to ring in the new year with people who weren't upset with us for feeling the way we do. We rang in new year with people that understand how we feel- I'm hoping that's a good sign that this will be a great year! So here's to a great 2014!!!