Beta Day

It's been an emotional 9 days. Today Ryle and I drove to Baton Rouge so that I could give blood for my beta test (pregnancy test). We really didn't speak the whole way there or the whole way back - my mind and emotions were all over the place. Nurse Jackie just called about 30 minutes ago - thankfully we had made it home by then.

My test was negative. I'm not pregnant. Our first round of IVF didn't work. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm hurt. 

Please don't be mad that we didn't tell you it was today if you didn't know. It was just something we wanted between us. So instead of texting everyone the update, I'm putting it on here. I'm turning my phone on silent. Please don't be offended if I don't answer your calls or text right away. I'm a mess and just can't talk about it right now. Thank you for all of the calls, text, and prayers over the last month or so. It meant a lot to Ryle and I both. 

We will go back to the clinic on June 11th to talk to the doctor about the cycle and what our next steps will be with the three frozen embryos. I know that I should be grateful that we still have three frozen, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The doctor put two of our babies in me and it didn't work ... that freaking hurts. I'm terrified that we won't have enough time before school starts to try again.... I'm so tired of waiting. That's all infertility is .... a big waiting game.

I'll post an update after our next appointment.