Endometrial Scratch

Yesterday Ryle and I had an appointment at 10 am for my endometrial scratch. This is something that my doctor is trying out on his patients that have had unexplained IVF failure. We didn't discuss this procedure with him before hand - I only learned that I would have it done after speaking with the nurse last week, so yesterday while I'm laying on the table half dressed, he tells us that I'm the second person he's done this procedure on. WHAT?! But he quickly follows with "the other lady is now pregnant so we are very hopeful that this will work!" Which made me feel better - my doctor is always so confident, I wish I was like that. This is a procedure where the lining at the top of your uterus is "scratched" using a thing catheter like tube that has been passed through the cervix. This "scratching" is supposed to make your lining repair itself. The new lining that grows after the procedure is supposed to be more receptive to implantation and help increase your chance of becoming pregnant. Before the procedure, they give you ibuprofen and explain that you will feel some mild cramping while the catheter is passed through the cervix - kind of like the saline ultrasound I had done back in April. So I'm expecting it to be pretty painless, because my saline ultrasound was nothing! I had a cramp for a minute or two and it was gone.

Anyway, I'm going to save you all of the details of the procedure, but basically, it felt like he was scratching my uterus with knives. I almost came off of that table! At one point, I grabbed at Ryle and literally tried scooting up the table! It was the most painful procedure I've had done in six years - and that's saying a lot since I've had two surgeries and been poked and prodded on more times than I can count. Ryle knew I was in pain, but it's hard to explain that kind of pain to a man. So on our way home, I told Ryle that it felt like an alien was inside of me trying to claw its way out ... he thought I was nuts. But how else do you describe a pain like that to a man that doesn't even have the parts that were hurting! Haha! Bottom line - it was the most painful thing I have done yet to become a mother, but I know in the end it will be so worth it.

Yesterday was such an emotional day, I started crying in the waiting room. I teared up in the ultrasound room while waiting on the doctor to come for the procedure. And I could have cried at any other moment at the drop of a hat. I just keep thinking "Will it ever be my turn?" and "Why do I have to suffer so much to have what others have so easily gotten?" I just don't understand it ... not any of it. But I'm trying my best to keep the faith and to keep BELIEVING that God has a plan for us to become parents ...

Don't forget to check out the new tab at the top called #100happydays. It's a new challenge that I'm doing :)

Baby Shower

First ... on a happy note, thank you so much for supporting our journey to become parents. As of now, we only have about 3 more shirts to sell before we meet our new goal. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Not only will our medicine be paid for, but we will also be able to pay for some office visits. You have no idea how much this helps us out! Although infertility is officially labeled as a disease, insurance doesn't pay for one single thing! This is a journey where you feel so alone because no one can truly understand your pain and suffering unless they have been through it, but we feel so loved and supported right now. The fundraiser will not only help pay for this cycle of treatment, but it also made us feel not so alone. So thank you, from the bottom of our hearts for supporting us and for helping to raise infertility awareness. Remember 1 in 8 couples are diagnosed as infertile - it could be affecting someone else you know as well...

Please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone ...


It's been one of those weeks where it seems like when you turn around someone else is pregnant. I've been so emotional lately and I just need to get it out, which is why I created the blog in the first place. So let me start here by saying, there are not many people who are going to understand what I'm about to say. The only people who are truly going to understand are the women who have had infertility problems. This post isn't meant to offend anyone or hurt your feelings, it's simply how I feel. If you think that I'm being selfish then I'm really sorry.

Let me start by saying that after six years of trying to have a baby, you would think that I'm used to the pregnancy announcements and baby showers -- but I'm not. They still hurt -- a lot. This week Ryle found out that two couples we know are pregnant and he was the one to tell me. He gets upset because I get upset. He feels like he's the one making me cry, but I keep telling him - it's better if he tells me than if I find out in front of the people and just break down right there. Both of the women had a hard time conceiving, and I am so happy and beyond thrilled for them that they finally get their miracle baby. But in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "will it ever be my turn"?

Six years. Six long years I've tried to get pregnant. I can't even tell you how many sticks I've peed on, how many blood tests I've had, how many needles have been stuck in my body, etc. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I want it to be my turn. Yes, I know, God has a plan and his plans are bigger than mine. But I just don't want to believe that it's his plan for me to suffer like this forever. How much longer do I have to do this? I know this is hard for most people to understand, but my trying to conceive sisters will understand. Why can't it be me that gets pregnant so easily? When you are growing up as a little girl, you dream about getting married, buying a house, and starting a family. No one tells you that it might not happen for you. They don't tell you that you may not be able to have kids one day ... they don't tell you that all of your dreams might not come true. Do I have the perfect house, perfect husband, and the perfect "fur babies" -- the answer is yes, I do. And maybe it's selfish of me to want more, but I do. I just want to be a mom ...

Today I attended my first baby shower in six years ... yes, six years! I've been avoiding or finding excuses to get out of baby showers for six long years. I wouldn't have gone today, except it was my brother's baby shower. I'm going to have a nephew in about a month. Crazy, it feel likes just yesterday my mom was telling me that he was going to be a dad. I'm almost thirty, but my twenty year old brother will have a baby before me. Life never turns out the way that you thought it would ...


Please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone

Lupron Side Effects

Today will be my fifth shot of Lupron and I'm already having terrible headaches and hot flashes/night sweats. I don't remember having so many headaches last round, but they are hitting me full force this time. So far I haven't had the crazy vivid dreams like I did last cycle, but I'm sure they will come around. Still waiting on AF to show up, once she does then I will start the other medication. That's the only update I have for now.

The t-shirt fundraiser is going great as well. The company upped our goal to 150 shirts. We need to sell about 28 more shirts to meet our new goal! You still have 4 more days to get your shirt! Please help us meet our new goal!!! Visit www.booster.com/teambabystone to help support our cause and also help raise infertility awareness!

Round 2

This morning we went for my baseline ultrasound and labs. Everything was all clear - no cysts, so tonight we start Lupron injections. As soon as my period shows, then we will move on to the other injections. Nurse Jackie said she plans on starting those on July 1st.

My date this morning: ultrasound and labs!

Thank you to everyone who purchased a #teambabystone shirt! We've met and surpassed our goal of 100 shirts! Thank you so much!! There's still 9 days left to get yours if you haven't already! 

We feel SO loved ...

Wow. I'm truly overwhelmed at the response to the shirt sale. I was hoping we would sell at least 50 and here we are at 82 shirts after only five days of sales. Thank you so much for all of the support. We truly feel so loved right now from all of the purchases, donations, and sweet comments left on our page! Not to mention how many people have been sharing the page for us! This journey makes you feel so alone at times, so its great to see all of the support that we have. We love you all!

If you haven't had time to get your #teambabystone shirt yet, don't worry! You have 12 more days! We still need to sell 18 more shirts to meet our 100 shirt goal! Please help us reach this goal! After July 1st, you will no longer be able to get your shirt. Remember, this is a pre-order sale only. The shirts are available in Heather Indigo in adult sizes S-4XL only. The  maroon shirts are available in youth and adult sizes. Visit www.booster.com/teambabystone to support our cause and to help raise infertility awareness!

Again, thank you so much for helping us get our miracle baby. There are truly no words to express how much this means to us. 

T-shirt sales ... Please help!

It's time for our first fundraiser. The cost of all of our medication is finally catching up with us after six years of trying to conceive.

If you have a moment, please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone and take a minute to read our story. We are selling shirts to help offset the cost of the medication. The shirts are pre-order unisex. The front has the infertility symbol along with our team name. The back says "all things are possible if you believe -Mark 9:23". The deadline to purchase one is July 1st. After that date, the shirts will be printed and shipped. They are 20$ with a 5$ shipping charge as the shirts will be delivered straight to you. I'm hoping they will be in by July 18th so I can wear my Team Baby Stone shirt to my transfer. :) I BELIEVE that this will be our time. I spent a lot I time crying over our two babies that didn't make it this past cycle. But I have faith that we will become parents soon. 

Here's a sneak peak of the front:

Thank you in advance if you decide to help us out with the purchase of a shirt! We love you all! Let's go #teambabystone!!!!

www.booster.com/teambabystone 

Frozen Embryo Transfer Consult

Ryle and I just left our consult for our FET.  Doctor D couldn't tell us why we didn't get pregnant with the fresh cycle, but he said he's giving me the same success rate as the fresh - 60% chance of it working. He didn't think my endometrosis has anything to do with why it didn't work. He said it could have been an implantation issue or a lining issue. The embryos they transferred were hatched and they used embryo glue, but for some reason it didn't take. 

The embryos we have are a good quality or at least two of them are.  I got my calendar with all of the meds and the expected transfer date is July 18. That could change, but for now it's set to that date. Our medicine should be ordered tomorrow and we will return to the clinic on June 23 for an ultrasound and labs. June 23 is also the date that I should start my meds if all the labs and ultrasound come back clear.

That's really all we know for now. Again thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, calls, and texts. We love you all ...

Beta Day

It's been an emotional 9 days. Today Ryle and I drove to Baton Rouge so that I could give blood for my beta test (pregnancy test). We really didn't speak the whole way there or the whole way back - my mind and emotions were all over the place. Nurse Jackie just called about 30 minutes ago - thankfully we had made it home by then.

My test was negative. I'm not pregnant. Our first round of IVF didn't work. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm hurt. 

Please don't be mad that we didn't tell you it was today if you didn't know. It was just something we wanted between us. So instead of texting everyone the update, I'm putting it on here. I'm turning my phone on silent. Please don't be offended if I don't answer your calls or text right away. I'm a mess and just can't talk about it right now. Thank you for all of the calls, text, and prayers over the last month or so. It meant a lot to Ryle and I both. 

We will go back to the clinic on June 11th to talk to the doctor about the cycle and what our next steps will be with the three frozen embryos. I know that I should be grateful that we still have three frozen, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The doctor put two of our babies in me and it didn't work ... that freaking hurts. I'm terrified that we won't have enough time before school starts to try again.... I'm so tired of waiting. That's all infertility is .... a big waiting game.

I'll post an update after our next appointment.

Transfer Day and Update

Emotional. Exciting. Nerve wracking. Those are a few words I would use to describe transfer day! Maybe I thought it was all of those things because this was our first one, I don't know but I was feeling all of them. Well at least until I got my Valium - then I was all relaxed and loopy! Haha! 

I couldn't sleep the night before for fear that my embies didn't grow or mature enough for the transfer. I can't stand that we only get an update every other day on them. To me they are already my children and I want to know how they are doing each day, but I do understand that they have a lot of patients and that the status of the embryos changes a lot each day. Anyway, we arrived at the clinic about 20 minutes early because I couldn't sit in the hotel room for one more minute! 

For those of you that don't know, this is the process. As soon as you get there you have to empty your bladder and then immediately start filling it again. I drank two whole water bottles and it still wasn't as full as they would have liked (the doctor gve me a B on how full my bladder was - I'm a teacher and he gave me a B! Haha - I wanted an A but oh well). Anyway after you empty your bladder, you change into the gown and your hubby puts the scrubs on over his clothes including the cute paper booties. You sit there forever it feels like just drinking water. The room was very calm and relaxing though- dim lights, water fountain, etc. So basically we sat and I drank water for about an hour. Finally the nurse comes in and goes over discharge instructions. The doctor finally came in handed me a picture of our embies and then told us that he would be transferring a 96 cell grade 4 and a 96 cell grade 3. Grade 4 is the best at our clinic. I was so relieved as those are both really good quality embryos. After that, the nurse came back and gave me my Valium! Praise The Lord! I could finally calm down. After about 30 more minutes, they came and took us back to the exam room. The doctor insterts a catheter and then the embryologist comes in with another catheter - this one goes inside the other one. We got to watch it on the ultrasound screen, basically, all we saw was a white little flash and that was our babies being released from the catheter. Afterwards, you could see the white area on the screen, but that was it. I got to empty my bladder, we had to stay for 20 minutes and then they let me leave. I took a nap the whole 4 hour trip home and pretty much slept the rest of the day once we got home. I am a true believer that anyone going through IVF should have a Valium for every single procedure they do! That was the most relaxed I have been in 3 months!! 

Once we got home, I was put on bed rest for 3 days. My back was so stiff from laying down so long, but let me say that my husband stepped up and took great care of me! He didn't even want me to get up to go to the bathroom - but I won that battle! 

Today I'm taking it easy at home, but I am getting up and moving around! It feels nice to be able to get up and let my dogs out if I need to or walk to the fridge! 

This morning I got a call from the clinic that we have three embies frozen for future use! I started crying when she told me - blame it on the hormones I guess. But we have a 99 cell grade 4, 98 cell grade 3, and a 97 cell grade 2. The grade 4 and 3 are really good, the 2 is ok, but not ideal. I was so happy - again I was feeling the fear of not knowing how my other babies were doing. 

Ryle and I are praying that the embies in my belly have implanted safely and are making themselves at home. He's been talking to my belly saying "stick babies stick" and kissing and rubbing my belly. It has got to be the sweetest thing I have ever seen ... So much for not getting my hopes up again. They are so high it's not even funny. I'm just as bad as he is. I find myself constantly rubbing my belly, I even coughed this morning and found myself apologizing to my stomach! 

We need all I the prayers we can get please. I don't know how well I will handle it if my test comes back negative. I'm trying to hold out and not take an at home test, but that is such a hard thing to do - all my IVF sisters know!! Here are a few pictures of the past few days. Sorry for the terrible phone quality of some of them:

This is the photo shoot with our embies that were transferred! If it works, this is our babies first picture! I may be biased, but I think they are the most beautiful embies ever! 

I don't know if this is pre or post Valium, but I'm guessing post! I was so excited to hear that we had good quality embies! 

Bed rest isn't that great, but it's awesome when you have someone to take care of you! Ryle saw the snocone truck and went to get me one! 

And my Diesel was just soaking up having his momma be lazy with him. I think he enjoyed the bed rest! 

Egg Retrieval and Update on our Embies

Hey guys! I'm terrible at updating this blog. I promise I will get better with it.

We had our egg retrieval on May 19th - I had to miss awards day at school but it was for a good reason at least! That was such an emotional day. We arrived at 6:30 for the 7:30 procedure. Well it turns out that my doctor got stuck in traffic and didn't arrive until 8:30. They ended up calling in another doctor from the clinic but by the grace of God, Doctor Dunaway showed up before she did! I was so nervous about someone who didn't know anything about my case performing the retrieval. Our prayers were answered when he walked through the door. He was able to get 16 and out of those 15 were mature enough to be fertilized. I woke up cramping, sore, and still emotional. My poor husband! I woke up asking for Diesel (my fur baby), and crying saying "this is not how we were supposed to make a baby". He just kept saying "I know". But overall, the cramping went away over the next day and my bloating has gone down a lot!! I'm drinking my Gatorade like crazy - 3 quarts a day! But I did wear my PJ pants to work for two days (I had a good excuse!)

We got an update on Tuesday that out of the 15 mature, 13 fertilized! We were both so relieved!! I didn't get an update at all on Wednesday. But today, I got a call that out of the 13, one didn't make it. Two of them are behind but may catch up. Then the rest of them are: three 8 cell grade 4s, two 8 cell grade 3s, three 8 cell grade 2s, and two 7 cell grade 3s. So we have 10 that are still making it - maybe 12 if the other two catch up. We are both happy with those numbers too. Basically the nurse said grade 4 and grade 3 is where they want them, I'm not sure about how many cells they want - I would think the more the better. Of course these numbers will change again. I won't get another update until we get to the office Saturday. The transfer is set for 8am. I'm hoping that by Saturday, we at least have 6-7 good quality embryos left. We would transfer two and freeze the rest.

We are both excited, nervous, and praying that this is our answer. I will be on bed rest Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, so I will update after the transfer then! I will definitely have plenty of time on my hands - at least I love to read!! Thank you to everyone who checks up on us! We love you all!

Dear Lord, please let this be our answer ....