Well it's been a nice and relaxing week. I haven't done a whole heck of a lot. My husband has been out of town with work, and I have been taking advantage of the "me" time - super lazy and catching up on some reading. But I do want to take some time to tell you about a very important week for many couples.
This is National Infertility Awareness Week. The goal of this week is to get several important facts out to the general public. For instance, did you know that infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age?! This disease (because it is a disease people!), impacts the physical, emotional, and financial health of those facing it. For those of you that are close to Ryle and I, you know these things to be true. You see it in our life on a day to day basis, but there are SO many people that don't understand the disease or the impact it has on the couple.
I believe I have used this link before, but for those of you that might want to share kind words with couples struggling with infertility, check it out. Sometimes it's hard to know what to say and we know that. It's a great article that just gives you a little insight into what we feel throughout the whole journey. If you choose not to read the article, that's ok - it is kind of long, but here is one thing that I would want you take away from it:
"The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal. As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money."
There are so many times when people try to say something to me that is not meant to be hurtful, yet I start to tear up. And I'm not trying to be cruel when I just say, "I'm sorry I can't talk about it" and then walk away. I just want everyone to understand how hard it is to discuss. The part of the article about having the a deep cut that keeps getting opened when it starts to heal is the perfect way to describe this. For example, I was doing SO well. Everyone was telling me and I even blogged about it. And I knew I was doing well. It was wonderful and I was the happiest I have felt in a long time. But then I held a baby - the cutest and sweetest baby ever by the way! And that was all I could do. I thought that I was going to die. I immediatley got sad, started to cry, and that was it. I was back in my "sad mode". And it's been a hard week since then, but slowly I'm trying to heal again. But it was a step forward, and one I'm glad I took because I can't avoid babies forever. So I want you to know that this isn't just something that we can get over. There are constant reminders every single day. Reminders of what we don't have and what we may never have.
As I'm sitting here, I see on the news that a woman struggling with infertility was fired from her teaching job at a Catholic School because she was trying IVF treatment. It's sad .. those are the only words I know to describe the situation.
This week kicks off a nationwide campaign to educate the public about infertility and the concerns of those affected. Resolve's theme for the week is "Don't Ignore Infertility". It's time to make our voices heard! Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to read this blog. If you know someone struggling with infertility, take a minute and say a little prayer for them and just let them know that you are there to support them through this journey.
Sometimes you just need a change and I think I'm in need of one. I don't know why all of a sudden, but I need one. I think that I might need a grade change, after 5 years in first grade I think it's time. It could be that one of my best friends at work is leaving for another school! Ahh ... what am I gonna do without her?! Go crazy, I think. I don't know but somethings gotta give, I've only been teaching five years. It's too soon to be burnt out!
I've also had several people tell me lately that "I seem to be better" .... aka I'm not breaking down about baby issues all the time. And I really am better - my brother even invited a pregnant friend over to my house last weekend and I didn't cry at all! Here's the deal. We don't have 12 grand. We are so in debt from all of the trying that it will take us forever to pay it all off. So I guess in my mind I have come to terms with the fact that I may never be a mom. Does it make me sad, yes. But what can I do about it?!
Well, if you know me or have read any of my past Easter blogs, then you know that I absolutely dread Easter. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. But this year wasn't so bad. I didn't shed a single tear! I don't know if it's because I am more comfortable with our situation or if I finally accepted the fact that Ryle and I may never be parents. I don't really know why, but I can honestly say that this was one of the better Easter's that Ryle and I have spent together. And I can hardly believe that this was our SIXTH one to spend together. Time really does fly.
Ruthie and Jeremy
Love my Sis-in-Law time .... Can you find Jeremy? :)
He is my life, don't know where I would be without his love and support!