7 days past transfer

Ahh! I'm secretly going crazy inside! Those wonderful ladies who have gone through this know what I'm talking about. The urge to go pee on a stick is just about to drive me bonkers! I'm trying to hold out. It's just so hard. I don't feel pregnant ... and yes, I know it's too early. But here's the thing ... I never understood the term "PUPO ... pregnat until proven otherwise". That is until they put those live embryos inside of you. I have two babies inside of me. They may not have attached or implanted, but my babies are inside of me ... and they were alive and still growing. It just about kills you not to know if they are doing okay. It may just be something in the "infertile" world ... it's as close to being pregnant as most of us trying to conceive sisters have ever been.

I still have the picture of our last two embryos on our mantel in the living room. Some people may not understand why I want to keep that picture up there, but to me they were my babies. Part of him, part of me, put together and then put inside of me. That's the closest we have ever come to being pregnant ... we were PUPO. Unfortunately, it ended up not working and our babies didn't make it. I don't know, maybe people think they were just embryos, but to me life begins at the time of conception ... the minute they are fertilized. So they were our two babies that we lost ... to me anyway. So now I have two picture frames on the mantel ... two sets of beautiful embryos. And again, I'm happily PUPO.

Lots of people have been asking me how I'm feeling, I feel good. No cramping like I was last time. But last time I also had an egg retrieval done and my ovaries were very enlarged which could have caused some of that. At seven days past frozen embryo transfer, I don't have any real symptoms. My chest was sore ( from the progesterone and estradiol shots - they are pumping hormones into me like crazy!), but even that is going away. I'm thirsty all day. I'm tired and take a nap everyday- but I'm always tired so that's nothing new for me, plus it's summer break and teachers love summer naps. And the past two days, after waking up from my nap, when I stand up I get a really sharp pain in my lower abdomen on the right side. It's lasts for about 5 seconds, makes me stop and bend over, and then it's gone. I have no idea what that is about. That's all I'm feeling. Nothing that screams "Ahh you're pregnant".

I'm praying this works and that those babies are making themselves right at home. I'm trying to stay off of Google ... but again, it's hard not to look up your symptoms, or compare your embryos to those online (which I have to admit, I have done ... more than a few times lol), or even to look and see how other women were feeling on the same day as you. I'm just ready for my beta test ... but I'm also terrified of having them draw my blood. I so desperately want good results ... my heart can't take much more disappointment. So please pray extra hard these next few days!!!

Stick beautiful babies ... STICK!!

Frozen Embryo Transfer Day and Update

Well we had two beautiful embryos thawed and transferred on July 18th. They were the most beautiful little things I have ever seen. I'm not sure anyone EVER wanted anything as much as I want them... both of them! The embabies were put back in and the procedure went smoothly.

We were very surprised when the nurse told us that my lining was a 15. I have never had one that thick. A week before the transfer, I was only at an 8 and it was very uneven due to the endometrial scratch that they did. Doctor D. seemed very surprised that my lining was that thick, but he didn't say it was a bad thing. He just said he would have to document that since I was one of his first patients to try the scratch on.

Today I'm three days past transfer and don't feel any different - other than being really thirsty. Yesterday I had a few twinge like pains on the left side, but they were there for a few seconds and went away. I'm trying not to symptom spot and I'm really trying not to look anything up on Google! It's going to be a long two weeks!

My hips are SO sore from the shots! I get one shot a day, except for Wednesday and Saturdays - on those days, I get two shots. It hurts to sit, lay down, walk, etc. But I know its for those precious babies and I would do anything for them.

Stick babies stick! Mommy and Daddy love you so much already!

Tomorrow marks 6 years that Ryle and I have been married. I can't believe it has been that long. It seems like just yesterday we met. I couldn't have asked for a better friend, husband, and partner for this journey. He is always there for me and I know that he always will be. He is my whole world! Happy Anniversary Ryle! I can't wait to see what the coming years have in store for us ... hopefully next year we will be celebrating our anniversary with a baby Stone ... or two!!

I couldn't have asked for a better partner!

I'm also hosting a Jamberry Nail Party - if you would like to check it out, ordering will be open through Friday, July 25th. Click on this website: http://glamyournails.jamberrynails.net/ ... shop, and when you checkout - make sure that Tiffany is your consultant and that you sign in under Kristen's Party. If you buy 3 sheets, you get one free - discount applied in your shopping cart!!

Please continue to pray that our embabies stick around .....

Endometrial Scratch

Yesterday Ryle and I had an appointment at 10 am for my endometrial scratch. This is something that my doctor is trying out on his patients that have had unexplained IVF failure. We didn't discuss this procedure with him before hand - I only learned that I would have it done after speaking with the nurse last week, so yesterday while I'm laying on the table half dressed, he tells us that I'm the second person he's done this procedure on. WHAT?! But he quickly follows with "the other lady is now pregnant so we are very hopeful that this will work!" Which made me feel better - my doctor is always so confident, I wish I was like that. This is a procedure where the lining at the top of your uterus is "scratched" using a thing catheter like tube that has been passed through the cervix. This "scratching" is supposed to make your lining repair itself. The new lining that grows after the procedure is supposed to be more receptive to implantation and help increase your chance of becoming pregnant. Before the procedure, they give you ibuprofen and explain that you will feel some mild cramping while the catheter is passed through the cervix - kind of like the saline ultrasound I had done back in April. So I'm expecting it to be pretty painless, because my saline ultrasound was nothing! I had a cramp for a minute or two and it was gone.

Anyway, I'm going to save you all of the details of the procedure, but basically, it felt like he was scratching my uterus with knives. I almost came off of that table! At one point, I grabbed at Ryle and literally tried scooting up the table! It was the most painful procedure I've had done in six years - and that's saying a lot since I've had two surgeries and been poked and prodded on more times than I can count. Ryle knew I was in pain, but it's hard to explain that kind of pain to a man. So on our way home, I told Ryle that it felt like an alien was inside of me trying to claw its way out ... he thought I was nuts. But how else do you describe a pain like that to a man that doesn't even have the parts that were hurting! Haha! Bottom line - it was the most painful thing I have done yet to become a mother, but I know in the end it will be so worth it.

Yesterday was such an emotional day, I started crying in the waiting room. I teared up in the ultrasound room while waiting on the doctor to come for the procedure. And I could have cried at any other moment at the drop of a hat. I just keep thinking "Will it ever be my turn?" and "Why do I have to suffer so much to have what others have so easily gotten?" I just don't understand it ... not any of it. But I'm trying my best to keep the faith and to keep BELIEVING that God has a plan for us to become parents ...

Don't forget to check out the new tab at the top called #100happydays. It's a new challenge that I'm doing :)