Decisions, Decisions ...

Well let me start this post off by saying that it was much better taking the Metformin at night. I woke up with a headache, which continued to get worse as the morning went on. About 10:00 this morning it finally went away. But I didn't get the nauseous feeling today. That is a good sign! I will continue to take it at night, but am really considering calling my doctor back to check on the headaches.

Now to the decisions, decisions part ... Thanksgiving is coming up. And if you've been reading my blog, then you know that I absolutely hate the holidays!! Well, I asked Ryle the other day what he wanted to do. He said he didn't want to talk about it. He said there was no point in fighting over it when we have about a month before the holiday. He also said he didn't want me to get depressed about it. Well, then I get home today and he says "My Dad wants us to go to Natchez for Thanksgiving, so what do you want to do?" What the heck? Last week he didn't want to talk about it, but now that someone else brings it up, he does!

Let me just say for the record that Easter was a nightmare! If you don't remember the blog post, you can read it here. In no way shape or form do I want to go repeat that experience. I do not think that it's a fun or an enjoyable time to sit there and cry the whole day. Not for me or the people around me. Why does he want me to endure that again? Why does my father-in-law? Do they not remember? I don't even know if I can manage to go - I'm not on any antidepressants or anything to help me handle all of the emotions.

I don't know what we are going to do. I really don't like the holidays. I wish we could just skip over them altogether .....

Half Marathon

WOW! It's been an amazing weekend. On Friday afternoon, we set off toward New Orleans for the half marathon. After a long day at school and not feeling so well (thanks to my Metformin), the last thing I wanted to do was ride in a car for 4 1/2 hours! But I made it! We stopped in Hammond to eat at Tommy's Pizza - it was the BEST pizza that I have ever had! Amazing actually! We finally arrived at Bryan's house around 9:30 and passed out.

On Saturday morning, we planned on getting up around 5, but I woke up about 4! It was freezing cold in New Orleans and the wind was blowing so hard. I was not excited to get out and run 13.1 miles. The race started at 7am.

I was able to run the first 3 miles without stopping - while training, I was only able to do the first mile. So this is accomplishment number one. My poor husband was having a hard time running at my pace because his stride is so much longer than mine. Finally about mile 8 he just ran ahead of me. So accomplishment number 2 - pushing myself to run. It was so much easier to run when I had someone to push me, but after he left, I just had to push myself. I'm not going to lie - there were many times when I wanted to quit. Two miles of the race was run through a park - and there was actually a moment where I just wanted to sit down on the bench and watch the ducks swim in the pond. But I didn't - I pushed myself to keep going.

Bryan finished at 2:24, Megan at 2:28, Ryle at 2:38, and I finished at 2:54. Our goal was to finish in 2:45. So it took me an extra nine minutes but I don't even care! I finished 13.1 miles - accomplishment number 3! I was so proud of myself! Of course when I crossed the finish line, I felt like I was going to die! Ryle asked the lady if he could put my medal on my neck - which was really sweet since he left me! Haha! Then I practically collapsed in his arms. I didn't have any sugar at all that day and was very weak. I have noticed that the Metformin affects me more when I have sugar in my system, so I did not use any Gu Packets or have any gum with sugar at all during the race. I also didn't get the Gatorade they passed out during the race - just water. So I was very weak at the end. While I was hugging/laying in Ryle's arms, I vaguely remember the medics coming and asking him if I was OK - He insisted that I was. I leaned back, told him I needed some sugar and he gave me gum. After that I felt a little better. Here are some pictures - please ignore how I look (my hair is a mess and I look like death!) ... I mean I did finish 13.1 miles!!

My crazy brother in his running outfit ... before the race (he was freezing)

Here I come...

My husband giving me my medal ...

Ryle supporting me ...

Yeah, I look like I'm dying: I'm telling him that I haven't had any sugar all morning...

Feeling better after I chewed on some gum... We did it - 13.1 miles

My love ...

 After the race we went to eat at an amazing diner! They have 14 inch pancakes. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true and it was amazing! Bryan and I shared one and we didn't even get half way finished with it! Then it was nap time. After that, we went out to a sports bar to watch some football. I wish I had someone to video us walking at that point. We did not look like we were in our 20s! We were all limping and looked about 80 something! I am so sore - from my lower back down. As I type, I'm icing my legs. I even think that my brother took an ice bath today! It's pretty ridiculous how sore I am. But I guess I asked for it!

14" pancake ... This was Ryle's double stack!

We then we to eat at a place called Jaques-imo's. It was real New Orleans Food! We had alligator cheesecake - I know it sounds nasty, but trust me - AMAZING! And it wasn't real cheesecake - just shaped like a piece of one. Then I had Blackened Red Fish, Red Beans and Rice, and mashed potatoes. One of the best meals I have ever had! This morning on the way out of town, we had beignets - also amazing! We told ourselves that if we finished the half marathon, that we could eat whatever we wanted. Now it's time to get back on our diet! I'm also going to do more Crossfit and less running. I may still try and run at least 2-3 miles a week, but nothing more!

Update on Metformin: Thanks to everyone who has stopped to talk to me about Metformin. I didn't know that so many people I knew were on it! Granted, they are not on it for PCOS, but it still helps to have someone to talk to about it. I started breaking the pill in half - half with breakfast, and half with lunch. This helps a lot, but I have still been getting TERRIBLE headaches during the day. Like borderline migraines ... which I am not a fan of! Like I said earlier in this post, I have noticed that if I eat something with a lot of sugar, that's when I get the nauseous feeling. So my new goal is to try and cut that out all together. But that is so hard for me, I LOVE DESSERT!! I did not take my pill yesterday because of the race - I didn't know how it would affect me since I was not taking it while I trained. I also didn't take it this morning. I will take it with dinner tonight. I have heard from a few people that taking it at night is better, so we shall see. I'll keep you updated!

Thanks for all the kind and encouraging words about the race and Metformin! I truly have the best friends and family a girl could ask for! I also just want to say that when someone tells me that my blog helps them, it makes me feel so much better. If me expressing my feelings and struggles throughout our whole infertility battle helps someone, then I'm glad. Thanks for reading, and thanks for telling me it helps you :)

Oh No ...

Well, day one of new meds and all I can say is "Oh No!" ... I have felt terrible all day long. I did like the doctor said and ate a good breakfast! All day long I just felt weird - like a slight buzz, light headed, etc. Then about 3:30 I start feeling nauseous. We had to go pick our race packet up today and I had a plastic bag in my hands for the whole trip. As soon as we got back home, I went straight to the bathroom - I just knew I was about to throw up. But nothing happened, I just laid on the bathroom floor for about 30 minutes. Finally Ryle came in there and got me.

I feel so much better right now - not great, but better. I called Kim, a pharmacy friend, and she said this is normal! So now I'm saying a really big "OH NO" ... she said my body will eventually get used to the change and this will go away. Man I sure hope that day comes fast. And this is only on one pill a day. In two weeks I'm supposed to move up to two pills a day. I'm really scared about taking two, because one made me feel like poo! I'll keep you updated - hoping tomorrow is a much better day for me! I don't know how long I can keep taking a pill that makes me feel so sick!

The Results Are In!!

Well, today marked 2 weeks since I went in for the PCOS labs. I got tired of waiting, so I called this morning around 10 and left a message for Tina to call me back. And by 3:30, I just figured that they wouldn't call me until tomorrow. But they did! The nurse called to tell me that the results were in and my insulin level was high, but I would have to wait for the doctor tomorrow because she had already left.

But to my surprise - Tina called about 10 minutes later! Yay! I love my doctor, she is the best! We had a nice long chat and she told me that she thinks I would be a good candidate for Metformin. It will basically help my body use the insulin. I told her that I always thought I was borderline diabetic anyway because I can't eat a lot of candy, have sugar in my coffee, or even have a snow cone without my blood sugar levels getting all out of whack. She said that there is a strong possibility that I could actually be borderline diabetic, but that this medicine will help me a lot. It should also help me lose a few pounds - which excites me a whole lot since I am not losing any from running! I am supposed to eat a breakfast full of protein and a few carbs or I will get really sick - clammy, lightheaded, nauseous, etc.

I am a lucky girl to have a sis in law in pharmacy school and a good friend that works at a pharmacy. As soon as I got off the phone with Tina, I sent them both a text asking what they knew about Metformin, etc. They were both very helpful! Love ya Kim and Ruthie!! I also came home and looked it up online. Here's what I found out: "Metformin is a diabetes medicine sometimes used for lowering insulin and blood sugar levels in women with PCOS. This helps regulate menstrual cycles, start ovulation, and lower the risk of miscarriage, in women with PCOS. Long-term use also lowers diabetes and heart disease risk related to high insulin levels.It does not cause the pancreas to make more insulin. It also lowers fat (lipid and triglyceride) levels in the blood."

So I will start the Metformin in the morning .... hope it works :) I will keep try to keep you updated. Our half marathon is Saturday - wish me luck, I'm going to need it!

New Idea ...

For a while now, people have been suggesting that we have a fundraiser or come up with some way to make money to help with IVF costs. Ok, so we came up with an idea. I think that we are going to try and sell jewelry holders. Last weekend, Ryle made me one:

I LOVE IT!!

 So today, Megan and I gave it a try! I think that this will be a great idea to help with the IVF costs, every little bit helps right?! Here are a few that we made today. They are our "demos"!

I'm excited for a few reasons: 1) We already have a couple of orders. 2) This helps take my mind off of everything - I've been having a rough time lately. This morning after cleaning house for 2 hours, I got in the shower and just cried for a good 10 minutes. I don't even know why, that's what gets me. I guess that I had been holding some things in for too long. But I'm not going to get into any of that right now ... don't really want to think about all of the things that have been bothering me.


So - if you know of anyone who would like a Jewelry Holder, just let me know! More pics to come soon!

No News

Still no news from the doctor. I'm almost to the point to where I want to call and bug them everyday until they give me my results. I don't know why - I'm just so ready to finally know if the results show that I do have PCOS or not. She says based on the ultrasounds, yes ... but this should let us know for sure. So come on already!!!!


It finally feels like Fall here! I'm so excited! I LOVE FALL!! We have been talking about having a garage sale lately and for some reason, this weather makes me want to go through things and put them in the garage sale pile! So I think that I'll start after dinner!!


11 days until our half marathon
34 days until our IVF consult

Finally!!

Well I got a call from my doctor today and YAY - the clinic finally sent her my records. She was calling to tell me that she had been looking through it. But they didn't send the one thing she needed - my lab work results. She said from looking at all of his notations and ultrasounds that I have had done, she does agree that I have PCOS. But she really wanted to see the lab results to back that up. I went in to her office today and they took some blood to run all 7 tests on the PCOS work up. Hopefully she will call me with the results in the next week or so. I told her how frustrated I am with the weight loss or lack there of, and she said that PCOS has a lot to do with it. So we shall see what the results say. She also said that I have had at least 200 ultrasounds in a year and a half- crazy amount. I've also had a lot of blood drawn in that time as well. This just gives me something to look forward to - the results I mean. I want to know if metformin *the diabetes drug* will help me or not. I'm hoping that it will help with my cycles and the weight loss.

I feel like I should have lost more that 4 pounds - I did the advocare 24 day challenge and we have been jogging for over a month now. 4 pounds, really?! I know that you have to gain muscle, but I want to see results!

That's really all the news I have right now, so when I find out - then you will find out!

On a side note - I have really gone "nutso". Today my husband and I did 4 miles and then came home and he had me do my first Crossfit workout ever! Nuts! I don't know if I will be able to move my arms at all tomorrow.

Not getting better....

Usually, running takes my mind off of everything and helps me. But that hasn't been the case lately. Some things are going on that I'm not going to talk about, but it's been hard. And honestly I'm not sure how to handle it. It seems that everyone keeps telling me that God has a plan and this is just part of it. Well it's a crappy plan. That's all I'm gonna say about it. I don't understand it at all... not one bit. I'm trying hard to stay positive and believe that things happen for a reason, but I'm not very good at that.

I think Ryle can tell that I've been "blah" lately and he is frustrated with me. If a song comes on the radio that reminds me of babies, I will start crying. I just don't know how to control that. For example, today we were going to my dad's house for lunch and Jason Aldean's song "Laughed Until We Cried" came on the radio. We were both just singing along and then out of no where, here come the tears. This is what did it:
"Just the other night the baby was cryin
So I got out of bed rocked her awhile and I held her tight
And I told her it would be all right
My mind went back to a few years ago
We tried so long, we almost gave up hope
And I remember you comin' in and tellin me the news
Oh man we were livin, goin crazy in the kitchen
We danced and screamed and held each other tight
We laughed until we cried "
I mean who would of thought that a song would make me cry like that? Ryle just looked at me like I was crazy. I know he just wants me to accept it for what it is, but ... again that's a hard thing for me to do.

There are all kinds of things adding to my "blah" mood, work is crazy - I love my smartboard, but it's a lot of work. I feel like I spend all of my time making lessons for it. I have other things on my mind and I don't really want to spend the weekends making lessons. I spent about 6 or 7 hours this weekend making reading lessons. And then we were going to his sister's boyfriends house, visiting with William who came in town, cleaning house, going to my dads, and running. It's like I don't have time to just sit and be. Sometimes I think it's nice to just sit and read a book and do absolutely nothing!

I can feel the blahness taking over .... and I'm trying so hard to fight it, but I can't always pretend to be happy. Why can't people understand that? Can you tell I'm in a bad mood?? I think I'm going to go read Twilight - maybe Edward and Bella can put me in a better mood ....

Not in the Mood

I haven't really been in the mood to post a blog lately. I've just been in a "blah" mood...

Last weekend was probably the best that I have felt in the past few weeks. My amazing husband took me to Shreveport to go shopping and to have dinner with my brother, William. And my "almost" sis in law, Megan, went with us - she was the best ever! She helped me pick out some wonderfully cute fall clothes!

We are still running like crazy - we actually did 8 miles on Monday. I was very proud of myself! Also, one of my other brothers, Bryan, is moving home today! Yay! I'm so excited and glad that he will be back - even if it is only for 6 months while he does some internship.

That's about it for now. Nothing exciting happening ... just ready for our half marathon and for our IVF consult .... come on November 21!