Usually, running takes my mind off of everything and helps me. But that hasn't been the case lately. Some things are going on that I'm not going to talk about, but it's been hard. And honestly I'm not sure how to handle it. It seems that everyone keeps telling me that God has a plan and this is just part of it. Well it's a crappy plan. That's all I'm gonna say about it. I don't understand it at all... not one bit. I'm trying hard to stay positive and believe that things happen for a reason, but I'm not very good at that.
I think Ryle can tell that I've been "blah" lately and he is frustrated with me. If a song comes on the radio that reminds me of babies, I will start crying. I just don't know how to control that. For example, today we were going to my dad's house for lunch and Jason Aldean's song "Laughed Until We Cried" came on the radio. We were both just singing along and then out of no where, here come the tears. This is what did it:
"Just the other night the baby was cryin
So I got out of bed rocked her awhile and I held her tight
And I told her it would be all right
My mind went back to a few years ago
We tried so long, we almost gave up hope
And I remember you comin' in and tellin me the news
Oh man we were livin, goin crazy in the kitchen
We danced and screamed and held each other tight
We laughed until we cried "
I mean who would of thought that a song would make me cry like that? Ryle just looked at me like I was crazy. I know he just wants me to accept it for what it is, but ... again that's a hard thing for me to do.
There are all kinds of things adding to my "blah" mood, work is crazy - I love my smartboard, but it's a lot of work. I feel like I spend all of my time making lessons for it. I have other things on my mind and I don't really want to spend the weekends making lessons. I spent about 6 or 7 hours this weekend making reading lessons. And then we were going to his sister's boyfriends house, visiting with William who came in town, cleaning house, going to my dads, and running. It's like I don't have time to just sit and be. Sometimes I think it's nice to just sit and read a book and do absolutely nothing!
I can feel the blahness taking over .... and I'm trying so hard to fight it, but I can't always pretend to be happy. Why can't people understand that? Can you tell I'm in a bad mood?? I think I'm going to go read Twilight - maybe Edward and Bella can put me in a better mood ....
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