Thursday, February 13, 2014

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you are enjoying your day with your loved one. My loved one had to work today, but still sent me flowers at school even though we celebrated last weekend! Love them ... And him too :) ! 

Today is a hard day for me. Two years ago, to the day, Ryle and I attempted our last IUI (I believe we've done 5 maybe 6 IUIs). We felt that it was a good sign to do the procedure on Valentines. The doctor said everything was looking good and what happened? I got my hopes up. I just knew that this time it was going to work. I could feel it. Well about 11 days later, I got my period. I didn't even get to finish the famous two week wait that all infertile couples know so well. It's devastating to have to mourn what you were hoping and praying for every single month and I was SO tired of feeling that way.

After that, I said I was done. I was done trying, done getting my hopes up, just flat out done! And for two years Ryle and I just enjoyed our time together. Did I still have bad days and still think about having a baby, hell yes! But it didn't consume me.

Then recently I found out I was going to be an aunt and a friend of mine had a baby, and I lost it. I lost the happiness that I had for the past two years. The hurt and need came crashing back at full force. Thank The Lord for my husband, because I could not have made it through these past few months without him. He's the only one who truly knows how I feel. But I am grateful that I have others in my life that I can turn and talk to - it always helps to talk to people who have gone through the same thing. I've come to realize that you can't understand unless you go through it yourself. So I know my family will never understand even bough I desperately want them to. This whole situation has torn my family apart. It will take a long time to get back to where we were ... If we ever do.

Ryle and I are scheduled to go back to the fertility clinic soon for an IVF consultation. We haven't told many people that we are going back, I've only told a select few - for several reasons, but that's another story. If they read this then they will find out. I have some things I need to ask the doctor about - having surgery for my endometriosis again, thyroid, are we even good candidates for this, etc. I don't know when or if we will actually get to the IVF process, but I have to do something. I can't take it anymore, so this is us doing something. We are going to talk to him and see what he has to say about our situation. But seriously, how do people pay for this? It's crazy expensive. These are the prices for the clinic - to be clear, it's not per egg. It's per cycle - so for one cycle the $10,600 is for one fresh egg cycle ... Not for one fresh egg. And you can add anywhere from $3,000 to $5,000 for medicine per cycle! (Sorry for the phone picture quality)


Anyway that's all that's been going on here. Enjoy your valentines day with your loved one ... I sure am missing mine right now! 

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

St. Gerard

A sweet friend and past coworker came to visit me a few weeks ago and gave me such a sweet gift. It's a St. Gerard bracelet - he's the patron saint of mothers. Here's a little explanation from a quick internet search - Wikipedia is my best friend!! Here's a picture of it too ... I love it! (Sorry for the phone picture quality!)


One miracle in particular explains why Majella became known as the special patron of mothers. A few months before his death, Gerard visited the Pirofalo family and accidentally dropped his handkerchief. One of the Pirofalo girls spotted the handkerchief moments after he’d left the house, and she ran after Gerard to return it. “Keep it,” he said to her. “You may need it some day".

Years later when the girl--now a married woman--was on the verge of losing her life in childbirth, she remembered the words of the saintly lay brother. She asked for the handkerchief to be brought to her. Almost immediately the pain disappeared and she gave birth to a healthy child. This was no small feat in an era when only one out of three pregnancies resulted in a live birth, and word of the miracle spread quickly. Because of the miracles God worked through Gerard's prayers with mothers, the mothers of Italy took Gerard to their hearts and made him their patron. At the process of his beatification one witness testified that he was known as "il santo dei felice parti"--the saint of happy childbirth.

This devotion has become very popular in North America, both in the United States and Canada. (

Not much has been happening here! Works been pretty good - glad to have my two big observations over with for the year! And they were both great by the way :)! Still haven't spoken to my family and right now, I have no desire to. I'm enjoying time with my husband drama free!! 

I did start weight watchers two weeks ago and have already lost five pounds - yay! I also signed up for a 5K in March! So I better get to running! Enjoy the rest of your week!!