Saturday, December 14, 2013

Thank you for making me feel loved

I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone who called, sent me a text, emailed me, or came to speak to me in person after my last post. It means more than you will ever know. I'm sorry if I couldn't talk to you about it. It's not the easiest thing for me to talk about. But I just wanted you to know how much it means to me that you took the time to tell me that you love me, to share a story with me, or to just listen to me vent/cry.

A lot of you tell have told me to keep the faith and trust in God, that He didn't bless Matthew with a baby. I just want you to know how hard that is, because to me - someone who has tried for over 5 years to have a baby of my own - a baby is a blessing, they are miracles. So why is he blessed? What did he do to deserve that blessing? What have I done wrong? How can I not question Him? Is His plan really for me to suffer like this?

Several people have asked me what Matt's going to do ... and honestly, I have no idea. We aren't exactly on speaking terms. I pray they don't have an abortion - I'm totally against it for obvious reasons. I think adoption would be the best thing for them all. But I'm sure they will keep it ... I just hope they change their lifestyle, for the baby's sake.

Today I got to have a movie and dinner date with my brother and sis-in-law (love ya Willie and Megan) ...As I was leaving dinner tonight, driving home in the jeep, the song "I Would Die For That" came on my iPod. Before I knew it, I was bawling my eyes out again. The song explains how I feel so well. Because I have been given so much - I have an amazing family, a great job, a nice house, nice vehicles, puppies that I love, great friends, the best husband ... but there's just a void that nothing will fill. Anyway, you can watch the video if you want. I posted it on the blog a long time ago. I can't believe 2/14/14 will be 2 years since our last attempt ....

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