Monday, May 02, 2011


I've been thinking a lot lately. I think that I want to tell the doctor that I would like to do in-vitro and skip all of the IUIs. So I was telling Ryle about this the other day and of course he says no. Why? Because we can't afford it. Yes, I know we can't. But we can't afford any cycle right now. This is how I feel about it ... we have had three IUIs with no success, so why not skip to the "big thing". Of course, I cried and cried. It seems that he is always telling me no. I know that he is saying it with a good reason - always the same reason - money. But either way, we are going to end up taking a loan out  to have a baby. I just know it. And there is this little voice in the back of my head that tells me the IUIs are not going to work. I guess I feel that it hasn't worked yet; therefore, it's not going to. But what do I know, right?

We went to Walmart the other day, and of course, it's one holiday after another. This time it's Mother's Day.  I was looking for a card for my mom and picked up one for a new mom. I should have known better. But the cards were all mixed up and the new mom card was in the wrong place. I started crying. Life is so unfair. I get through one holiday and then get smacked in the face with another one. So now I am dreading Mother's Day.

On another note, Megan bought me something this week:

My "Happy Saturday" from Megan.

She is highlighting what she thinks is important right now. So this will definitely be my next book to read! I'm sure it will make me cry, but then again, everything seems to make me cry now. I also bought a Bible this week, it's the cutest thing ever! I didn't even own a Bible and Megan's comment was "Kristen - even hotels have Bibles". To be honest, everyone keeps telling me that they think God is doing to this to us to bring us back to him. But I'm not sure. I don't know what to think or feel anymore.
My new Bible

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