7 days past transfer

Ahh! I'm secretly going crazy inside! Those wonderful ladies who have gone through this know what I'm talking about. The urge to go pee on a stick is just about to drive me bonkers! I'm trying to hold out. It's just so hard. I don't feel pregnant ... and yes, I know it's too early. But here's the thing ... I never understood the term "PUPO ... pregnat until proven otherwise". That is until they put those live embryos inside of you. I have two babies inside of me. They may not have attached or implanted, but my babies are inside of me ... and they were alive and still growing. It just about kills you not to know if they are doing okay. It may just be something in the "infertile" world ... it's as close to being pregnant as most of us trying to conceive sisters have ever been.

I still have the picture of our last two embryos on our mantel in the living room. Some people may not understand why I want to keep that picture up there, but to me they were my babies. Part of him, part of me, put together and then put inside of me. That's the closest we have ever come to being pregnant ... we were PUPO. Unfortunately, it ended up not working and our babies didn't make it. I don't know, maybe people think they were just embryos, but to me life begins at the time of conception ... the minute they are fertilized. So they were our two babies that we lost ... to me anyway. So now I have two picture frames on the mantel ... two sets of beautiful embryos. And again, I'm happily PUPO.

Lots of people have been asking me how I'm feeling, I feel good. No cramping like I was last time. But last time I also had an egg retrieval done and my ovaries were very enlarged which could have caused some of that. At seven days past frozen embryo transfer, I don't have any real symptoms. My chest was sore ( from the progesterone and estradiol shots - they are pumping hormones into me like crazy!), but even that is going away. I'm thirsty all day. I'm tired and take a nap everyday- but I'm always tired so that's nothing new for me, plus it's summer break and teachers love summer naps. And the past two days, after waking up from my nap, when I stand up I get a really sharp pain in my lower abdomen on the right side. It's lasts for about 5 seconds, makes me stop and bend over, and then it's gone. I have no idea what that is about. That's all I'm feeling. Nothing that screams "Ahh you're pregnant".

I'm praying this works and that those babies are making themselves right at home. I'm trying to stay off of Google ... but again, it's hard not to look up your symptoms, or compare your embryos to those online (which I have to admit, I have done ... more than a few times lol), or even to look and see how other women were feeling on the same day as you. I'm just ready for my beta test ... but I'm also terrified of having them draw my blood. I so desperately want good results ... my heart can't take much more disappointment. So please pray extra hard these next few days!!!

Stick beautiful babies ... STICK!!

Frozen Embryo Transfer Day and Update

Well we had two beautiful embryos thawed and transferred on July 18th. They were the most beautiful little things I have ever seen. I'm not sure anyone EVER wanted anything as much as I want them... both of them! The embabies were put back in and the procedure went smoothly.

We were very surprised when the nurse told us that my lining was a 15. I have never had one that thick. A week before the transfer, I was only at an 8 and it was very uneven due to the endometrial scratch that they did. Doctor D. seemed very surprised that my lining was that thick, but he didn't say it was a bad thing. He just said he would have to document that since I was one of his first patients to try the scratch on.

Today I'm three days past transfer and don't feel any different - other than being really thirsty. Yesterday I had a few twinge like pains on the left side, but they were there for a few seconds and went away. I'm trying not to symptom spot and I'm really trying not to look anything up on Google! It's going to be a long two weeks!

My hips are SO sore from the shots! I get one shot a day, except for Wednesday and Saturdays - on those days, I get two shots. It hurts to sit, lay down, walk, etc. But I know its for those precious babies and I would do anything for them.

Stick babies stick! Mommy and Daddy love you so much already!

Tomorrow marks 6 years that Ryle and I have been married. I can't believe it has been that long. It seems like just yesterday we met. I couldn't have asked for a better friend, husband, and partner for this journey. He is always there for me and I know that he always will be. He is my whole world! Happy Anniversary Ryle! I can't wait to see what the coming years have in store for us ... hopefully next year we will be celebrating our anniversary with a baby Stone ... or two!!

I couldn't have asked for a better partner!

I'm also hosting a Jamberry Nail Party - if you would like to check it out, ordering will be open through Friday, July 25th. Click on this website: http://glamyournails.jamberrynails.net/ ... shop, and when you checkout - make sure that Tiffany is your consultant and that you sign in under Kristen's Party. If you buy 3 sheets, you get one free - discount applied in your shopping cart!!

Please continue to pray that our embabies stick around .....

Endometrial Scratch

Yesterday Ryle and I had an appointment at 10 am for my endometrial scratch. This is something that my doctor is trying out on his patients that have had unexplained IVF failure. We didn't discuss this procedure with him before hand - I only learned that I would have it done after speaking with the nurse last week, so yesterday while I'm laying on the table half dressed, he tells us that I'm the second person he's done this procedure on. WHAT?! But he quickly follows with "the other lady is now pregnant so we are very hopeful that this will work!" Which made me feel better - my doctor is always so confident, I wish I was like that. This is a procedure where the lining at the top of your uterus is "scratched" using a thing catheter like tube that has been passed through the cervix. This "scratching" is supposed to make your lining repair itself. The new lining that grows after the procedure is supposed to be more receptive to implantation and help increase your chance of becoming pregnant. Before the procedure, they give you ibuprofen and explain that you will feel some mild cramping while the catheter is passed through the cervix - kind of like the saline ultrasound I had done back in April. So I'm expecting it to be pretty painless, because my saline ultrasound was nothing! I had a cramp for a minute or two and it was gone.

Anyway, I'm going to save you all of the details of the procedure, but basically, it felt like he was scratching my uterus with knives. I almost came off of that table! At one point, I grabbed at Ryle and literally tried scooting up the table! It was the most painful procedure I've had done in six years - and that's saying a lot since I've had two surgeries and been poked and prodded on more times than I can count. Ryle knew I was in pain, but it's hard to explain that kind of pain to a man. So on our way home, I told Ryle that it felt like an alien was inside of me trying to claw its way out ... he thought I was nuts. But how else do you describe a pain like that to a man that doesn't even have the parts that were hurting! Haha! Bottom line - it was the most painful thing I have done yet to become a mother, but I know in the end it will be so worth it.

Yesterday was such an emotional day, I started crying in the waiting room. I teared up in the ultrasound room while waiting on the doctor to come for the procedure. And I could have cried at any other moment at the drop of a hat. I just keep thinking "Will it ever be my turn?" and "Why do I have to suffer so much to have what others have so easily gotten?" I just don't understand it ... not any of it. But I'm trying my best to keep the faith and to keep BELIEVING that God has a plan for us to become parents ...

Don't forget to check out the new tab at the top called #100happydays. It's a new challenge that I'm doing :)

Baby Shower

First ... on a happy note, thank you so much for supporting our journey to become parents. As of now, we only have about 3 more shirts to sell before we meet our new goal. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Not only will our medicine be paid for, but we will also be able to pay for some office visits. You have no idea how much this helps us out! Although infertility is officially labeled as a disease, insurance doesn't pay for one single thing! This is a journey where you feel so alone because no one can truly understand your pain and suffering unless they have been through it, but we feel so loved and supported right now. The fundraiser will not only help pay for this cycle of treatment, but it also made us feel not so alone. So thank you, from the bottom of our hearts for supporting us and for helping to raise infertility awareness. Remember 1 in 8 couples are diagnosed as infertile - it could be affecting someone else you know as well...

Please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone ...


It's been one of those weeks where it seems like when you turn around someone else is pregnant. I've been so emotional lately and I just need to get it out, which is why I created the blog in the first place. So let me start here by saying, there are not many people who are going to understand what I'm about to say. The only people who are truly going to understand are the women who have had infertility problems. This post isn't meant to offend anyone or hurt your feelings, it's simply how I feel. If you think that I'm being selfish then I'm really sorry.

Let me start by saying that after six years of trying to have a baby, you would think that I'm used to the pregnancy announcements and baby showers -- but I'm not. They still hurt -- a lot. This week Ryle found out that two couples we know are pregnant and he was the one to tell me. He gets upset because I get upset. He feels like he's the one making me cry, but I keep telling him - it's better if he tells me than if I find out in front of the people and just break down right there. Both of the women had a hard time conceiving, and I am so happy and beyond thrilled for them that they finally get their miracle baby. But in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "will it ever be my turn"?

Six years. Six long years I've tried to get pregnant. I can't even tell you how many sticks I've peed on, how many blood tests I've had, how many needles have been stuck in my body, etc. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I want it to be my turn. Yes, I know, God has a plan and his plans are bigger than mine. But I just don't want to believe that it's his plan for me to suffer like this forever. How much longer do I have to do this? I know this is hard for most people to understand, but my trying to conceive sisters will understand. Why can't it be me that gets pregnant so easily? When you are growing up as a little girl, you dream about getting married, buying a house, and starting a family. No one tells you that it might not happen for you. They don't tell you that you may not be able to have kids one day ... they don't tell you that all of your dreams might not come true. Do I have the perfect house, perfect husband, and the perfect "fur babies" -- the answer is yes, I do. And maybe it's selfish of me to want more, but I do. I just want to be a mom ...

Today I attended my first baby shower in six years ... yes, six years! I've been avoiding or finding excuses to get out of baby showers for six long years. I wouldn't have gone today, except it was my brother's baby shower. I'm going to have a nephew in about a month. Crazy, it feel likes just yesterday my mom was telling me that he was going to be a dad. I'm almost thirty, but my twenty year old brother will have a baby before me. Life never turns out the way that you thought it would ...


Please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone

Lupron Side Effects

Today will be my fifth shot of Lupron and I'm already having terrible headaches and hot flashes/night sweats. I don't remember having so many headaches last round, but they are hitting me full force this time. So far I haven't had the crazy vivid dreams like I did last cycle, but I'm sure they will come around. Still waiting on AF to show up, once she does then I will start the other medication. That's the only update I have for now.

The t-shirt fundraiser is going great as well. The company upped our goal to 150 shirts. We need to sell about 28 more shirts to meet our new goal! You still have 4 more days to get your shirt! Please help us meet our new goal!!! Visit www.booster.com/teambabystone to help support our cause and also help raise infertility awareness!

Round 2

This morning we went for my baseline ultrasound and labs. Everything was all clear - no cysts, so tonight we start Lupron injections. As soon as my period shows, then we will move on to the other injections. Nurse Jackie said she plans on starting those on July 1st.

My date this morning: ultrasound and labs!

Thank you to everyone who purchased a #teambabystone shirt! We've met and surpassed our goal of 100 shirts! Thank you so much!! There's still 9 days left to get yours if you haven't already! 

We feel SO loved ...

Wow. I'm truly overwhelmed at the response to the shirt sale. I was hoping we would sell at least 50 and here we are at 82 shirts after only five days of sales. Thank you so much for all of the support. We truly feel so loved right now from all of the purchases, donations, and sweet comments left on our page! Not to mention how many people have been sharing the page for us! This journey makes you feel so alone at times, so its great to see all of the support that we have. We love you all!

If you haven't had time to get your #teambabystone shirt yet, don't worry! You have 12 more days! We still need to sell 18 more shirts to meet our 100 shirt goal! Please help us reach this goal! After July 1st, you will no longer be able to get your shirt. Remember, this is a pre-order sale only. The shirts are available in Heather Indigo in adult sizes S-4XL only. The  maroon shirts are available in youth and adult sizes. Visit www.booster.com/teambabystone to support our cause and to help raise infertility awareness!

Again, thank you so much for helping us get our miracle baby. There are truly no words to express how much this means to us. 

T-shirt sales ... Please help!

It's time for our first fundraiser. The cost of all of our medication is finally catching up with us after six years of trying to conceive.

If you have a moment, please visit www.booster.com/teambabystone and take a minute to read our story. We are selling shirts to help offset the cost of the medication. The shirts are pre-order unisex. The front has the infertility symbol along with our team name. The back says "all things are possible if you believe -Mark 9:23". The deadline to purchase one is July 1st. After that date, the shirts will be printed and shipped. They are 20$ with a 5$ shipping charge as the shirts will be delivered straight to you. I'm hoping they will be in by July 18th so I can wear my Team Baby Stone shirt to my transfer. :) I BELIEVE that this will be our time. I spent a lot I time crying over our two babies that didn't make it this past cycle. But I have faith that we will become parents soon. 

Here's a sneak peak of the front:

Thank you in advance if you decide to help us out with the purchase of a shirt! We love you all! Let's go #teambabystone!!!!

www.booster.com/teambabystone 

Frozen Embryo Transfer Consult

Ryle and I just left our consult for our FET.  Doctor D couldn't tell us why we didn't get pregnant with the fresh cycle, but he said he's giving me the same success rate as the fresh - 60% chance of it working. He didn't think my endometrosis has anything to do with why it didn't work. He said it could have been an implantation issue or a lining issue. The embryos they transferred were hatched and they used embryo glue, but for some reason it didn't take. 

The embryos we have are a good quality or at least two of them are.  I got my calendar with all of the meds and the expected transfer date is July 18. That could change, but for now it's set to that date. Our medicine should be ordered tomorrow and we will return to the clinic on June 23 for an ultrasound and labs. June 23 is also the date that I should start my meds if all the labs and ultrasound come back clear.

That's really all we know for now. Again thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, calls, and texts. We love you all ...

Beta Day

It's been an emotional 9 days. Today Ryle and I drove to Baton Rouge so that I could give blood for my beta test (pregnancy test). We really didn't speak the whole way there or the whole way back - my mind and emotions were all over the place. Nurse Jackie just called about 30 minutes ago - thankfully we had made it home by then.

My test was negative. I'm not pregnant. Our first round of IVF didn't work. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm hurt. 

Please don't be mad that we didn't tell you it was today if you didn't know. It was just something we wanted between us. So instead of texting everyone the update, I'm putting it on here. I'm turning my phone on silent. Please don't be offended if I don't answer your calls or text right away. I'm a mess and just can't talk about it right now. Thank you for all of the calls, text, and prayers over the last month or so. It meant a lot to Ryle and I both. 

We will go back to the clinic on June 11th to talk to the doctor about the cycle and what our next steps will be with the three frozen embryos. I know that I should be grateful that we still have three frozen, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The doctor put two of our babies in me and it didn't work ... that freaking hurts. I'm terrified that we won't have enough time before school starts to try again.... I'm so tired of waiting. That's all infertility is .... a big waiting game.

I'll post an update after our next appointment.