Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Well this morning I couldn't decide if I needed my waterproof mascara or not. I went with non-waterproof. I figured that I shouldn't need it today. And I was right for a change!

I was so nervous on the way to Shreveport this morning. Scared actually. So I text a friend of ours and told her I was scared. Her response was "take deep breaths and truly believe and I know it's hard b/c I know - but God does have some plan in all this craziness. Hold on for the ride. We are with you". This is the point to where I needed my waterproof mascara. I teared up a little bit. Because here I am struggling with not having a baby and there she is with her husband fighting "The Good Fight" - Mantle Cell Lymphoma. But I guess it's hard for both of us to see God's plan right now - I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a problem with believing that this is His plan for me. I'm trying really hard to believe that it is, but it's tough.

Anyway, Dr. London explained what he would be doing and said that it was just like a pap smear ... just more fun! Well it must have been fun for him, because it was NOT fun for me! It was painful: like a really terrible pap! I'm still cramping right now - not as bad as when we left the clinic, but still - that's not what I was expecting to happen I guess.

Okay, so they insert a catheter and fill a "balloon" with air to hold it into place. He then shot water or saline into my uterus. He said that my uterus filled up nicely and everything looks good there. He then pushed air through the catheter with a syringe. The air bubbles immediately left the uterus and went through the tubes. That means that they are free and clear of any blockage. Yay! So we know that is not the reason for us not getting pregnant. The doctor was very excited about this. He kept telling us how beautiful it looked on the ultrasound. I couldn't see the screen and was in too much discomfort to really care, but Ryle said that it was pretty amazing to watch - at least someone enjoyed the procedure!

I then told Dr. L that we were considering skipping the remaining two IUIs and just moving on to IVF. He said that they would like for us to try an IUI again, but it was our choice based on how we were emotionally and financially. I basically told him that I was frustrated and couldn't take it anymore. So the plan is to go back sometime in November for an IVF consult where they will go over the procedures involved and the finances. Well I asked for a ballpark figure today and he said we were looking at about 12 grand! So I guess we need to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! But good lord - I'm a school teacher. How are we going to save $12,000 and have money to live on?! I just don't see it happening. Not at all.

So bottom line ... good news today and I stayed tear free (for the most part)! Bad news ... I need 12 grand!!

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