Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

It's just been one of those days and I'm having my first meltdown in a long time - about 2 months actually. My day just started off on the wrong foot. I didn't sleep well last night so I was in a crappy mood this morning. Then school was just crazy - it seemed like something went wrong every second. Then I come home and we get ready to run, but my shins were hurting so bad that I could barely walk a mile. I did make myself walk two miles. That's not what I was planning on happening though. We planned on jogging 3 miles. I just couldn't do it. Every time I took a step, a sharp pain shot up my legs. It was terrible. Ryle kept telling me to push myself, and to run through it. I just couldn't. So I let him and Megan do their own thing, and I walked the two miles. I think they ended up doing 5 miles. I was/am just so mad at myself. And then I have my meltdown. \

Tomorrow is my day to go back to the doctor (not the specialist - just the regular old girl doctor) .  I was so excited to go tell her that I have NOT needed to take my Zoloft for the past two months like she wanted me to do. But then all I can think about is that I started running because I wanted to lose weight. Everywhere I look on the Internet, people with PCOS say that they lost weight and just got pregnant on their own. Well that's why I wanted to lose weight. Now I feel like I can't even run; therefore, I can't lose weight or get pregnant. I know that's not how it works. In my mind I KNOW THAT! It's just been one of those days - I'm an emotional wreck. Several people that we know are having their babies today and it just hit me that I can't get pregnant. I know - Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. Well I'm going to go to bed now and pray that I wake up in a better mood tomorrow!!

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