Sunday, March 13, 2011

Who Knew?

I had a wonderful birthday and got to spend the day with family and friends. I think I only cried twice, so that's a plus!

Since adding some of his family back to my Facebook page, I'm just in shock. Complete shock. I got several messages that basically said they were sorry for what I was going through, and that they had no idea it was so hard for me. Really?! Why would it be easy? I've been trying for two years and like I said in an earlier post, I'm doing it all in the right order and can't get pregnant. They can all just get pregnant so easily, why can't it come easily to us? Why do we have suffer?

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that they reached out and said something. I truly am! It meant a lot, especially since I deleted them from my page and life for a while with no warning at all. But it also hurt. I mean I've been trying to conceive for a long time. How do you not know that it hurts me? How do you not know that we are struggling? I couldn't even go to his grandparents wedding (vow renewal) without crying. I literally had to get up and walk out to the truck several times because there were kids and pregnant ladies and I didn't want anyone to see me cry. I don't know. I guess since I didn't talk about it, they didn't know. But to those of you that did reach out and send me a message, thank you. It truly meant a lot. 

Some people have been asking if I have considered counseling so that I will have someone to talk to. And yes, I have. But I'm not sure I want to yet. I thought I would try the medicine (yes, I am on antidepressants) for a while. I think that the meds help, also writing things in my journal or on this blog seem to help a lot too. So I'm going to wait a while for that. If I can't cope or this stops helping, then I will go. I promise!  

One of my younger brothers has the best girlfriend in the world. She is so funny! She can cheer me up in a minute. I just want to tell her thank you for doing that. And thank you for offering to be a surrogate if we need it. I hope we never do, but thanks. I would trust you with my baby!

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